#she needs to be dewormed one more time and then after a little bit we can take her poop back and fingers crossed it's worm free

[hafwen]

This is a much better birthday than I expected I spent over an hour on the floor with Toni playing with the string toy

Now that she's been dewormed once and has stuff to kill the bugs that were on her she's actually starting to bathe! I think she was just too lethargic to do it before because that's all that's changed

[autumnaaltonen]

We really pick'em.

My two older brothers and I grew up in the same household until we all moved out after turning "adult". In the 35-year time frame my parents bought the land, built the house, and then sold it this summer, there has been at least one cat living in that space (but usually two at a time). Six cats over three decades, Kelly, Tigger, Winston, Stedmon, Holly, and Twister. All of these cats were perfectly socialized, well behaving and loving little creatures. They were not just pets, but members of our family. The last of them, Holly, passed away this summer at 19-years.

HOWEVER, ever since leaving that house, my brothers and I have all adopted our own cats in our respective spaces. And I swear, we could not have chosen worse.

My mother gifted Mr. Gibbs, who would later be renamed Sh*thead, to my eldest brother. Sh*thead belonged to an elderly woman that had passed, and was then sold to my mother on Kijiji. When he moved across the province for work, my eldest brother gave Mr. Gibbs to my second brother, where he remains today. He's a big boy, white, with grey spots...I think. I honestly could not give you an accurate description of him because in the seven years my brothers have owned this cat, I have seen Sh*thead quite literally 4 TIMES. Never, ever EVER, have I met a more anti-social, uncomfortable and dodgy cat in my entire life. Sh*thead will literally climb into vents and up into the walls to avoid people. He chewed a hole into the bottom of my brother's box spring to hide from his roommates, and once went missing for FOUR DAYS while STILL IN THE HOUSE.

Cut to 2020, when I return to my dorm at my University after winter holiday, the most BEAUTIFUL long-haired calico showed up under our cafeteria. All the dormies called her Goblin, because of her spicy attitude. Over the four months of that semester, I fed her, groomed her, got her dewormed, vaccinated and spayed . Goblin became so attached to me, she'd come to me when called, sleep in my lap, and even follow me on my nightly jogs around campus. She bit and scratched me A LOT, but I knew from experience that she just needed some TLC. I officially adopted her that spring and took her home. It was a long process (a whole year) but she now no longer hurts me. And yet, she absolutely hates EVERYONE except for me. No matter what I've tried, she hates my family, and simply tolerates my roommate. When my brothers or friends are visiting, she leaves the room and hides. She doesn't let anyone touch her except me. And after almost two years, she remains an observer, not a lover.

I just miss having that all-over-you cuddle monster who needs your love to survive. But my brothers and I have instead acquired living taxidermy that empties your wallet and craps in a box. *sigh* I hope to find me a big orange-boi to teach Goblin some manners.

[loyally-unfaithful]

pairing: rengoku kyojuro x gn!reader

genre: fluff

a/n: henlo is me again, i’ve never owned cats and it shows i made this into headcanon format, but if you were looking for something feel free to resend a request c: alrighty hope you like it

edit: i know this is a super long time since this ask was actually sent to me?? and i honestly have no excuses to give. i’m really sorry to whoever sent the request: i was just procrastinating and then covid hit and my motivation plunged even lower. i know this is not much, and it’s probably ooc to all hell but i do hope you like it.

so ok, here’s the premise: you just moved out of your old residence, whether it was a flat or a house—you’re outta there! you is gone !

and ur friend or flatmate had a litter of cats and u just couldn't help urself but adopt one. they were just that cute.

so u did.

got that bad boi for free too, what a bargain!

and anyway u love that bastard with all ur heart.

it's just a bastard but she’s your bastard so it's all good.

very adorable dainty catto, and you took her to the vets to get her checked up, vaccinated, dewormed, and all that good stuff to make sure she will have a long and healthy lifespan.

u recall that u need to bring her in within 6 months to get her spayed so that there wouldn’t be an accidental litter. the operation is postponed since rn she’s too small, and ur like.

ok, i'll see u in 6 months.

that was 3 months ago.

now u moved out into a new apartment, with ur precious catto in tow.

after u finished bringing in all your boxes and furnitures and such, you thought to yourself, “hey, why not start this new chapter in life with a good start by acquainting myself with my neighbours”.

and that's exactly what u did: u gathered like, a packet of strawberries, and went over to the flat directly in front of urs while rehearsing what you will say in your head.

as you reached the other side and pressed the doorbell, you wondered who lived behind those doors…

first you’ll introduce yourself by name.

maybe it was a married couple? maybe even with a family?

and after that, you’ll tell them that you just recently moved in.

or perhaps it would be some elderly gentleman or lady?

and then, you will hand the gifts over and express that you hoped that the two of you will get along—something like that.

worst case scenario, the person is some weirdo… you hoped not…

the door finally opens with a click and you begin to recite what you had practiced:

« hey my name is... » your voice tapers off as you fully took in the person greeting you.

your voice disappears, meeting someone you absolutely did not expect. out of all the possibilities, you did not think for a moment that your neighbour would be the handsome young man with piercing golden eyes, lustrous locks of bright yellow hair, and an even brighter smile, standing before you.

were you staring? you were staring weren’t you? you realised in embarrassment that you were staring at the man, who was probably confused to all hell as to why you appeared on his front doors.

fighting your urge to combust and run away, you introduced yourself following the script you made up (though with more stutters than originally intended) and brusquely handed the berries over.

he happily takes your gift, repeating your name, assuring you that he was listening. it’s so stupid, but the way he says your name makes your stomach do flips. « well, welcome! he says enthusiastically. i’m rengoku kyojuro! i hope you enjoy it here! »

and that was that.

you mechanically went back to your flat, face burning and nervousness still clawing at you.

you’d say that you got adjusted to this new life pretty quickly. you seldom visited kyojuro as you were too embarrassed to pop by and chit-chat as often as you would’ve preferred to—dreading the thought of crossing him on your way to your own flat whenever you went home—but otherwise everything had been good.

alas, your cat was now 5 months old and oh boy.

something tells you your cat was entering its heat cycle or something—you were a first time cat-owner, but you had an inkling.

if your cat’s sudden affectionate, or over-affectionate, streak and unexpected attention seeking behaviour was anything to go by. she would roll on the floor, rub herself all over you and leave fluff all over your clothes, and yells.

she screm!

most stressful of all was how she absolutely wanted to escape to the outside, but you were not having it. you did not want kittens. one cat is enough thank you.

but nope, your wishes were in vain as one day, she just fucking disappeared—god knows where she is , she’s just somewhere.

understandably, you lost your shit and panicked because holy hell your cat escaped!!!

you went around to look for her, with no luck, and you were absolutely heartbroken.

that was until like??? 2 months later and you went to open a drawer to get some socks and lo and behold!

A CAT

and not just any cat! your cat! AND NOT JUST YOUR CAT! but also a bunch of other smaller cats, also known as kittens!

at this point, you weren’t even upset at the thought that you fucked up and ended up having kittens—you were just happy your cat is back and alive and well and back home. who knows how she entered back into the house.

who cares??

your cat is back!!

you’ll just have to spay her once she’s done nursing.

but as you watched over the litter, which looked like your cat but also another cat, you began to see a resemblance between their orange fur and caprisun, kyojuro’s ginger maine coon!!

and now everything makes sense…  

body working on autopilot, both because of how tired you were after watching over the cats and also because you were still dissociating from the realisation, you stiffly made your way to your neighbour and ringed the doorbell… ignoring the fact that this was now 2 in the morning.

you had to tell him, or confirm or do something with this new knowledge. his sleep can wait.

surprisingly, he answered the door without you having to ring him a second time. unsurprisingly, he looked tired and was ???? at you summoning him at such an odd time in the evening.

« i know that we don’t really talk, you started. but i need to show you something: i think your cat might have gotten my cat pregnant?? »

that caught the blond’s attention enough to wash the grogginess away from his face, and he followed you back to your flat.

normally the idea that a stranger, a good looking stranger no less, was going into your flat would fluster you, but right now you were a man with a plan, you had something to do and that was to show kyojuro the litter of cats.

he was surprised when he saw them, but confirmed that you were probably right, and that his male cat had probably gotten to your cat during her disappearance.

at this point you were a little bit (a lot) overwhelmed by the responsibility that came along with being a parent (and a grandparent), so you were about to ask him to help you coparent for the little buggers.

but he suggested it before you had the chance to, taking initiative:

« then! he expressed emphatically. we must raise this little kitty family together! kyojuro declared. »

and thus began your misadventures together as cat parents.

even though you both had work and a multitude of other things to do during the day (kyojuro still has his own cat to take care of, for that matter), you made it work—perhaps through sheer stubbornness and desire to make things right.

if anything, this whole ordeal cemented the fact that you were officially put off from having real children: if taking care of kittens was this demanding, imagine a whole actual human baby.

no way, no thanks.

you’re good.

hard pass.

funnily enough, after taking turns to take care of the cats and after the shifts to watch over them, you two had become fast friends. despite your reluctance with meeting him again after your disastrous greeting, you found yourself being very comfortable being in his presence and getting used to having him over in your flat (for the cats, of course).

but you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy spending time with kyojuro, conversing with him and learning more about each other as you both opened up to one another.

it was when he beamed at a joke you made, wearing his signature exuberant smile and laughing a laugh that you found so adorable, that you realised that you were in too deep. that you were definitely catching feels.

sometimes, you wished that you two would’ve been more than just friends. you wince at the thought that the two of you drift apart after this whole mess was over. but you pushed that inevitability away from your mind.

for the most part, nothing noteworthy ever happened as you took care of the kittens as the two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm.

one day, while you were both taking care of the cats, his exhaustion got the best of him and kyojuro fell asleep. you found him dozing off on the couch when you walked in, and you had to stop for a moment and tiptoe in the piece because of how peaceful he looked as he was resting. it was incredible how impeccable he looked, awake or asleep.

secretly, you took a picture, capturing this moment forever. he looks adorable. you’ll probably show the image later and tell him that he can take it easy for a while seeing as he was worn out and that you just received a few days off.

speaking of sleeping on duty, you’ve caught yourself passing out once or twice (ok a few times, more than just once or twice), but the weirdest part of all was that you would always wake up on your bed instead of wherever you fell asleep.

butterflies would go feral in ur stomach at the implication that kyojuro had been carrying your sleeping form to your bedroom.

but that was what has been happening right?

you think that at some point, you had fallen asleep on kyojuro… but to save yourself from the embarrassment, you chalk that up to your imagination running wild or a dream.

a few months into this ordeal, he pulled you over to another room to talk privately to you (ignoring the fact that there wasn’t anyone else in your apartment except for the cats).

he seemed to carry himself with a hesitance or shyness that was never there, and you found yourself dreading what he was about to tell you. what kind of bomb was he about to drop on you?

before starting, he paused for a moment, resolute… or was that a look of determination in his eyes? you didn’t know what to expect and it made you worried.

« i have something i need to tell you, convey to you! he started, confidence not lost in his voice. there is a burning passion in my heart, and it was about time that i listened to it! i know we’ve only met just recently, but after our time together i realised that i have feelings for you! he uttered your name again, with such gentleness and softness that it made your heart tighten. i like you! »

« i like you too!! you responded quickly, too quickly. you winced at how loud you unintentionally were, but he didn't seem to pay attention. »

instead, a radiant smile graced his features as he realised that you shared the same sentiment. and the same smile spread on your face, happy that he returned your feelings.

slowly, he moved closer to you and like a magnet, you mirrored him.

perhaps a bit hesitant, you could feel the ghost of a kiss over your lips as he leaned towards you, inching ever closer to each other.

but as your lips were about to connect, you hear crying from the other room…

the cats!

you two jerked away from each other, alerted by the sound, before looking back at each other, dumbfounded.

after what felt like an eternity but also an instant, a chuckle escaped you as you began to laugh uncontrollably—overwhelmed by giddiness and the sheer absurdity of this entire situation—and the blond followed suit, laughing along with you.

as you calmed down, your eyes found each other and the two of you just smiled.

the both of you wore brilliant smiles, and you were floored by the tenderness he held for you.

you look like a mess.

and he looks like a mess.

and you're both tired beyond belief.

but you’re both really happy.

and really happy to have each other.

(and your cats of course).

you’ll have to thank your cat later for helping you meet this wonderful person.

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[this-lioness]

Rubbish Blog Update

After an intensely busy week we made the most of the weekend, which is to say I got as much shit done as possible.

Saturday I had an eye appointment, then we did the weekly shopping and I came home to cook.  Ended up making some freezer meals (broth-steamed quinoa with peppers and onions boxed up with veggie dumplings and veggies, “chicken” patties with veggies and seasoned rice, baked cauliflower mac and cheese, 1 doz hard boiled eggs for lunches, another dozen made up into egg salad.  

I also used some of the leftover broccoli to make some veggie-and-egg white patties to go along with the veg sausage for breakfast.  While we were out today I picked up a bunch of fresh fruit, so now we’ve got a fruit salad we can dip into for lunch as well.

Even though we’ve been inconsistent with the gym, this has been a lifesaver for me, honestly.  I get to cook (which I’ve missed), and on the nights that we go straight to the gym we have a nice dinner ready to be served in a few minutes rather than resorting to frozen processed stuff or me having to grudgingly throw something together when I’m already tired and just wanting to relax.

I set up a “Google Routine” for us that also turns on some nice mood music and lights when we eat dinner, which has been something nice to unravel us from the day.  I made another for the bedroom when I’m doing my nightly routine.  Sade heavy, of course, because I’m nothing if not predictable.

Speaking of which, I picked up another set of remote-controlled LED button lights today, and installed them in the master bath.  So now I can shower to smooth jazz AND have mood lights, stop being jealous.

(It is probably the tackiest thing in the whole entire world to somebody who is not me, but I don’t care, I love it.)

On Saturday night we finally sorted through the pile of convention crap that’s been clogging up the dining room and took a proper inventory of all the art and jewelry I’ve got left.  I took pictures of our sales sheets as well, and tomorrow (haha, maybe, ugh) I’m going to take a critical look at what’s sold well historically and what makes the most sense to reproduce.

The little hand-painted pendants, for instance, which I dearly love?  Just don’t sell that well.  I only have one or two left, so that’s good, but they took forever to sell, and they are really labor intensive to make.  Meanwhile, the acrylic dragonfly earrings were inexpensive to make, fairly quick to produce, and people snatched them up.

It’s been an interesting experience, to be sure.

We have a pile of stuff to take to Salvation Army, but it rained all Saturday so that was no good.  Maybe some time this week.

Oh, and last Wednesday the handyman came by to install the new door!  MY NEW FREE FRONT DOOR!  (I’m very proud of this, and I recognize that it is childish, but I don’t care.  The dude at Home Depot was ringing up gift card after gift card and just marveling out loud how ridiculous it was.  Proud moment for me.)

I started using a new app that lets you take pictures of your store receipts, also allowing you to exchange the points you earn for more gift cards, so we’ll see how I do with that.  Let me know if anyone wants to give it a shot, I’ll send you a referral!

Finally had an orthopedist appointment last Wednesday as well.  X-rays looked normal, so there’s some sort of soft tissue damage or scar tissue or something?  He couldn’t tell without an MRI, and insurance won’t pay for an MRI (softly singing God Bless America under my breath here), so instead he’s sending me to physical therapy for an “abnormal gait.”  Lovely.  That starts this coming Wednesday, we’ll see how that all goes.

We also went to the gym today and worked up a workout routine in the weights section.  I’m off high-impact cardio for the time being, which means no running, and frankly I really think what I need is to regain, and gain, muscle mass.  Cardio has never really done anything for me at all, although running can be very relaxing, and I can already feel age-related muscle loss setting in.  Can’t have that, so off we go for (ideally) 3 nights a week of weights.

It’s frustrating being so short.  Half the machines that I need to use I can’t because I just don’t fit on them -- my head hits the wrong place, the swively bits press against something they shouldn’t -- and in trying to make them work I end up straining something I shouldn’t.  Marc helped me figure out which ones I could fit on, proper weight and seat settings, so I should be good now.  I wrote everything down, and will work it up into a little chart for myself tomorrow.

I may laminate it, I haven’t decided yet.

In cat news, we are going to have to do something about Rosie.  Laugh as we might about her growling at her food bowl, the amount of absolute hysterics she flies into at feeding time, or the lengths she goes to in order to scavenge even the tiniest crumb of food is getting upsetting.

We can’t offer her anything by hand anymore.  If you try to give her a treat she will bite through your fingers without even thinking.  If you offer her baby food on a spoon as a treat she can no longer contain herself to licking -- she will bite and bite and bite the spoon, and can’t seem to stop herself.  I bought her a slow feeder dish and she spent the entire time biting the plastic bits meant to make her go more slowly, just growling and getting more and more upset, until we scraped everything back into her old bowl.  When she does eat, it’s like she hasn’t eaten in weeks, and she’s convinced someone is going to steal it.

She is a completely different cat when there’s food in front of her.

She is still (and probably always will be) a very tiny cat -- probably only 5.5 - 6 lbs -- but she is at a healthy weight for her size.  I suspect whatever malnutrition she suffered as a kitten permanently stunted her growth.

This sort of behavior can have a physical cause (hyperthyroidism, parasites, etc.), but the copious bloodwork they did on her just a few months ago came back clear, she went through several rounds of powerful dewormers when we first found her, and she is otherwise in good physical shape and health.  She’s also, when there’s no food around, still sweet and cuddly and as loving as she always was.  There isn’t a mean bone in her body.

We saw this once before, in a cat that we fostered when we first moved into this house -- Cooper.  We had to give Cooper back, in part because our other cats couldn’t get along with him, and in part because he was an absolute living nightmare to deal with.  He figured out how to scale the barrier into the kitchen, and would dump the trash can and rip through everything he found inside. He would walk the kitchen counters over and over and over again in case he missed something the last time.  Every single day, multiple times a day.  He’d tear open ANY bag, whether or not it contained food, just in case it might.

Cooper was also found as a starving kitten, although he wasn’t one of ours.  Other accounts I’ve read of these behaviors all have that in common as well: kittens (like Rosie) who were found emaciated, plagued with parasites.  Even long after they find a safe home with ample food and regular mealtimes, that insecurity never goes away. What has helped others, supposedly, is making the cat a safe and secure place to eat every meal, and not exposing it to food at any other time or place than at meal time.

She’s already not allowed in the kitchen, we now have Rosie-proof trash bins, and although we’re already feeding all the cats separately I’ve taken down one of the carriers to lock her in at breakfast and dinner (this isn’t as bad as it sounds -- she wolfs her food down in a minute flat, so she won’t be in there long, and I’m hoping that only giving her meals and treats in that spot will help her feel less exposed and defensive. I moved her bowl into the carrier and she went right in to investigate, so we’ll see what happens at breakfast tomorrow.  Even a slight improvement would be good.  On one hand we laugh at this ridiculous, tiny cat growling so unnecessarily and aggressively at dinner time, but after a moment it’s sort of upsetting because clearly she is super stressed out. I guess that about catches me up.  I’m going to take a nice long shower and listen to smooth jazz amid color-changing lights (SHHH IT’S FANCY) and then maybe do something creative for a bit. I love you all and I hope you’re well <3

[deansmom]

hey don’t reblog this pls thnx

this girl started at work and she used to be a department manager and so now they listen to her instead of me and she told a new baby associate that ball pythons are supposed to shed in pieces? she seems to know a lot about snakes so idk if that’s just what she told associates as a manager? or if she actually believes that? but she keeps undermining me and I’m just so frustrated like we’ve been through this guys after the last time she was here, we worked through this bullshit when we lost 5 hamsters for no fucking reason because she insisted that WE could cure wet tail by SYRINGE FEEDING THEM WATER FIVE TIMES A DAY AND STRESSING THEM OUT and aopdjfspoafjwpoer

and they got tired of losing animals and I was like “hey! crazy idea! maybe we could actually, y’know, follow P&P and take them to the vet like I said.” and we did and the hams survived! wow, crazy! 

somebody returned a guinea pig that they had for SIX DAYS and when we sold him he was CHUNKY like, if he had been an adult we would’ve been Concerned(TM) but he was a growing boy so we were like ok he’s gonna grow into it and lose the weight. and when we got him back he was SO SKINNY, like, I could feel his ribs and hip bones skinny. we kept him in the back per p&p to observe him for three days and I talked to our store manager and my department manager and said hey, y’know, he sounds a little congested, I think the stress of them clearly not feeding him for almost a week may have triggered a URI and I think we should keep him back here for a couple more days AND THEY AGREED.

the girl put him out on the floor to sell, insisting that he was fine when he had crust on his nose. every customer that looked at him was like “wow :/// he’s really skinny :\\\” blaming us and I just had to be like “y.....eah. yeah he is. he just needs some TLC.” because she’s only here one day a week I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT AND THE MANAGERS DON’T

ALSO! ALSO! somebody returned a beardie last week that they’d gotten from another store and he very clearly had lost some of his tail at one point. like, the end of it is rounded off and it has a little bit of black on the end (which is lightening up and healing and is showing no signs of tail rot or infection) and I wrote on his chart “was returned with a messed up tail.” because, well, it was messed up and our department manager asked me to note that on the chart in case our DM or the department of agriculture came in for a surprise inspection because we don’t want to get in trouble for not treating an injury. AND THIS GIRL. SHE WROTE ON THE CHART, UNDERLINED AND EXCLAMATION MARKS, “HIS TAIL IS FINE! STOP!” .........it’s healing, almost healed, bUT IT’S VERY CLEARLY GONE THROUGH A TRAUMA WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S FINE?????????????????????????????????????????

she also won’t address me at all in person. like, I’ve asked if she needed back up before when it’s really busy and she says no and then two minutes later asks our manager for back up. I’m just???? like I don’t have anything against you as a person? I never did anything to you as a person? all I did was say “hey, (manager) can you please ask (her) to not put such huge bowls in with the leopard geckos and beardies? there’s no reason for them to be that gigantic and I understand why she’s doing it, but it’s already really humid both in the store and in this state and there’s no reason to make it more humid with huge bowls and risk the chances of URI’s.” like, that’s it. GAH.

last friday (I think) I isolated a long haired ham for wet tail and she tried to say his butt was just dirty but by monday he was really bad so he actually went to the vet and [knock on wood] he’s doing ok!! he seems to be improving!! BUT HE WOULD’VE DIED IF THE MANAGERS LISTENED TO HER. actually, they did, our store manager wrote “move out on tuesday” on sunday but when our department manager saw him (she’s not there on mondays) she was like “oh shit he needs a vet” and now he has an aggressive antibiotics schedule that the girl complained about on sunday (she thinks antibiotics cause wet tail LMAO) and my department manager was like “well he’s started picking at his food again so I think it’s working.”

(I’m still relatively certain he’s not going to make it, just because I’ve seen no evidence of him eating his food and minimal evidence of drinking, but I’m really hopeful that he’ll pull through and live a long, healthy, happy life!!)

there’s a beardie who’s REEEEALLY skinny and not moving much and I’ve said “hey I think he has parasites, I think we need to at least take a poop sample to the vet for a fecal! deworming isn’t that expensive!” and they waited until she was there on sunday to look at him and she was like “he’s skinny but he ate two crickets for me” and I wanted to yell THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO EAT 20-60 CRICKETS A DAY, THAT’S THE FIRST TIME HE’S EATEN SINCE WEDNESDAY MORNING, WHAT ABOUT THAT SOUNDS FINE???? he also has a discolored like STRAIGHT LINE across his face which looks like it’s from a bite and I pointed it out to my managers and they told me I was wrong and that’s just his coloring???? and I was just standing there like “........that’s......... their morphs don’t work like that? like? this wasn’t a question, this was a statement, it wasn’t up for debate, he has discolored scales on his face, their scales and patterns don’t work like that, they don’t get weird sections of different colored scales like snakes do.” and again I got the “mackenzie you’re not a vet blah blah blah” and every time I just want to yell NEITHER ARE YOU, SO WHY IS IT THAT YOU CAN SAY HE’S FINE AND BE RIGHT BUT ME SAYING I THINK SOMETHING EASILY TREATABLE IS WRONG WITH HIM, MEANS I’M NOT RIGHT

one of us is in school to be a vet tech AND IT’S NOT YOU!!!!!! one of us owns a beardie and it’s not you!!!!!!!!!!! one of us is heavily involved in the reptile community and knows a lot of breeders and it’s not!!!!! fucking!!!!!! you!!!!!!!!!!

[ghoulstars]

im only posting this bc i desperately need to exorcise this thought somewhere bc it wont fucking leave me alone

those of you who know me personally or follow my instagram know about this but for those of you who dont: in a horrible turn of events, our plan to put down our geriatric yellow labrador retriever dixie was unfortunately and unexpectedly doubled today to having to put down our 3 year old engam bulldog, bean, as well

when we got him in mid december, 2015 he was barely out of puppyhood, we found him wandering around near the highway at our local gas station with a collar and no tag, trying to jump into two out-of-towner girls’ car. my stepdad intervened bc they couldnt take bean with them obviously, and brought him home instead.

we put up lost dog flyers everywhere all over our very small city, in an attempt to maybe see if someone would indeed come forward for their dog. we knew he wasnt just a stray because of his collar.

almost right off the bat, we were told by a woman who worked at the gas station that there was a man who lived in the trailer park just across the road, located behind the pancake diner. you can see it from the gas station parking lot. she told us that he had a lot of dogs that he typically kept chained up outside in poor conditions, and beat them regularly. to us? it seemed totally reasonable that that must’ve been where bean came from, given the fact he was a dog and we found him literally less than 50 feet away from where this fucking man lived.

no one came forward to claim bean. we kept those flyers up for months, we only put them up to begin with knowing he may have been thrown out by (or escaped from) this disgusting man just because there was the possibility that it wasn’t his dog, but someone else’s. as well as the potential for legal intervention if this fabled abuser found out we had technically stolen his dog (and full disclosure, fuck him for what he does, i hope all his dogs get stolen like they need to be, i myself was not fond of the idea of just giving the dog back to this creep if he was indeed the owner but i was only 16 at the time so there wasnt much i could do)

with no one claiming bean, after those months passed, we decided that he was ours now. flyers were taken down, we gave him his collar and nametag, to be real he’d already been named by us in the first few days we had him. he was going to be ours no matter what; my mother always told me its a rule that if you name a stray, and do it quick before anyone can object to keeping it, it’s yours now. that’s your pet, with it’s new name.

so we carried on with our lives, now having not just one dog, but two. it was a bit iffy with my stepfather keeping bean since we didnt technically need to manage two dogs at the time, but we still did it anyways because we loved him, the little bean man.

but here’s where my problem lies and this is why im writing this now: as time went on and we continued to have bean as our pet, some stuff about the original suggestion that he belonged to an abusive older man who lived in close proximity to where we found bean wasnt adding up

due to dixie’s failing body, she would sometimes lose control of her bowels inside the house, which was becoming unacceptable when she stayed in overnight. so, she stayed outside. she and bean bonded, so they stayed outside together too. (and for clarity here, i know what some of you might want to say, but we knew very early on that bulldogs do not do well with heat or isolation. we also know that dixie probably shouldve been put down years ago, but here’s the trouble: my stepfather would not let us euthanize her. she is his dog technically, and the thought hurt him so much that he would not agree to it for YEARS. dixie and bean were too attached to separate them for long periods of time like they would be if we kept bean inside mostly and her outside mostly; that would’ve been cruel in its own special way. we put pools out for bean and visited with both dogs for as much as we could outside, bathed them, put fans out for them in the summer. our only option to give bean the main love and care he needed was, and of course we had other reasons to do this, to put dixie down, which was where we thought we were finally going to be by tomorrow, but thats not what happened, as you can tell)

as to be expected, bean sometimes found his way inside, mostly by applying his american bulldog traits to memorizing when unfamiliar guests would come over and bolt in the house. he did this enough times and very recently we were letting him stay inside instead of taking him back out, and all of these experiences combined, we noticed something: bean was housebroken. he was out of practice with it, and did not know very well how to communicate that he needed to go outside to use the bathroom, but he did know what to do. he would run to the door if he had to go, not always making it, but still, he was housebroken. he only marked furniture once while inside, in his entire lifespan thus far. that was a red flag to us, but especially my mother, who realized this skill of beans directly contradicted the statement that he was probably kept outside, chained up, starved, and beaten by the trailer park guy. not to mention, bean came to us in nearly perfect condition to begin with, just skinny. no patches of fur gone, he was the opposite of skittish and aggressive, no bruises, nothing. just a loving, bouncy, stupid bulldog mix

this, im not sure if im correct about this, but it stands out enough to me that i feel its worth mentioning: bean is not a mutt of any kind, and his breed contradicts those types of breeds most people who abuse animals come to own; usually large breeds, breeds inaccurately known for aggression, and breeds used by abusers to make aggressive bc they know the fighting power of these dogs (pitbulls, american bulldogs, etc). bean is an engam bulldog (english/american mix), which is a very obscure mixed breed dog to begin with and especially obscure where i live, and as we all know english bulldogs are short, stout, fat little things that can basically do no harm whatsoever. they also have a history of inbreeding to look how they do. i know this man may have just seen ‘bulldog’ and snagged him thinking he’d be aggressive, but that does not sit right with me for two other reasons: bean’s conformation (body structure) and coloration. there is nothing about bean that suggests he was bred to be used for fighting, or that he’s a true mutt, or anything of the sort. his body type literally resembles that of show dogs, and his fur coloration is highly unusual because he’s blue. obviously not literally blue but the type of blue-grey you can find in animals, typically seen in cats. bean’s coloration is almost NEVER found in ANY breed of bulldog, it is INCREDIBLY rare that he looks like this. his condition in which we found him, his housebrokenness, his color and his body formation lead, in me and my family’s opinion, to an alternative opinion: he belonged to someone that got him because they wanted a dog as a pet, not to beat, and they either bred him themselves or bought him (probably from a pet store or breeder) for his color and conformation. 

but why would they dump a dog this valuable? my mom said this to me earlier, sobbing after she returned from the vet today, and this is my whole reason for writing this insane fucking novel of a post: whoever dumped bean threw out a sick puppy, and on purpose.

bean hasnt been injured or contracted an unvaccinated illness or anything like that. he had been experiencing extreme stomach distension for the past month, whereas he was losing weight everywhere else on his body. he had also been vomiting. but he wasnt depressed, or lethargic. maybe his personality was a little off but not so much it was horribly noticeable, and at that, he was still eating regularly everyday. we came to the conclusion he had parasites, though ive always been terrified something more serious was going on (i dont get listened to though).

as it turns out, i was right. mom took him in today, the day before dixie was set to be put down, for his deworming pills. what she got instead was a diagnosis of possible lung cancer. his blood work was normal, which is unusual in animals with cancer, but he still had nodules on his lungs that highly resembled cancer. his heart was also severely enlarged due to heartworms, and his stomach was so distended because it was full of fluid and blood. they did send his blood off for labs, but even if his lungs were fine, he was going to die anyway (they got a second opinion from another practice and they also agree it was probably cancerous). he has a 15% survival rate for only the very first heartworm treatment, which will cost $500. nothing lives very long with an enlarged heart to begin with. we don’t have that money, and for a treatment that will definitely kill him? i dont even know why he has so much blood and fluid in his digestive tract. bean, a dog who is only 3 or 4 years old, has an enlarged heart, lung tumors and fluid/blood all in his abdomen. the vet was apparently stunned that a dog this young could have this many potentially (and one definitely) fatal health problem(s).

i now fully believe that whoever owned him before knew he had all these issues, or that he was going to develop them. i think it makes sense. i also think they’re cheap, cruel fucks who didnt want to shell out that much money to take care of him, or pay to take him to a shelter/sanctuary, and so what did they do? they did what many people these days very regularly do when their new pet has become undesirable: they fucking dumped him on the side of the road and booked it. took his nametag off and everything, to make him look like a stray. they left him for some well meaning, animal loving family like mine to find him, not know anything about these preexisting health issues, and assume he’s healthy enough; maybe just needs a few more vaccinations and a worm and flea treatment. he showed no signs of lung cancer or heart problems in all his life up until this past month, and he’s still so young. i will even go as far as to say that he himself may be severely inbred, which could be the cause of these health issues. given his specific posture and color, and that he’s a bulldog, it’d make sense. it seems like he came from some kind of breeder to begin with anyway.

so now that ive said that and got it all out of the way, i want to leave an open letter to the hypothetical cunt that did this to us and bean:

i hope god fucking strikes you down where you stand. i hope every single day of your miserable fucking life, you think about where he ended up, if he’s still alive, if anyone found him, if he ever got hit by a car or died alone of cancer and heart failure in a field somewhere. i hope you feel guilt for leaving him knowing he’d develop cancer and that he had heart worms, and knowing you did it BECAUSE of that. i hope you never fucking forget about the fact that you threw an INNOCENT LITTLE PUPPY out on the highway because you just didnt want to have anything to do with his illnesses, and i hope one day you find out what you did to us and this innocent little boy. he’s such a good fucking dog, he is so patient, kind, loving and gentle, and when he has bursts of energy to play he fucking goes, and now he has to die barely halfway through his lifespan because of your fucking negligence. he is laying outside on the porch right now, uncomfortable with fluids and blood backing up his intestines, coughing and huffing just to try and breathe. at the very least, if he were taken to the right shelter, he couldve been fucking cared for and given treatments to extend his life as much as possible, or at least given hospice care for however long he could live, which has now been shortened to 3 or 4 years. if you yourself knew this dog was inbred or you inbred him yourself, fuck you. i hope you get run over by a fucking truck. this breed can live from 12-16 years, that’s a LONG time for a dog like him, and you had to fucking ruin it all because of your own fucking preferences; you wanted the perfect dog. and you could’ve had him if you’d grown a fucking heart and actually gave a shit about animals beyond how they look aesthetically; as well, if you fucking actually gave a shit about your animals HEALTH and wanted to maintain it instead of apparently assuming he’d just be fine and healthy with all his vaccinations and that’d be the end of it. you do not deserve to own an animal if you dont even want to acknowledge it will sometimes need medical care, how fucking heartless are you? we never had enough money to take care of dixie’s failing health, and we always knew it’d be better to put her down, but my stepdad kept refusing. you had enough money to fucking breed or buy a blue show-quality engam bulldog and you still wouldnt fucking care for him after you found out what problems he had. fuck you. eat shit and die. i hope you never find peace from the guilt of knowing you fucking killed what became our dog because you’re selfish. my mother is physically sick with grief. i am physically sick with grief. i feel so bad that it’s as if i have the fucking flu. i was trying to talk with my mother about this situation earlier and i had to rush to leave because i felt like i was about to throw up if i didnt. everyone in this house has cried so much today it’s disgusting. 

the only thing good about this is that bean came along for dixie when she needed him most, and became her helper and provider, giving her company and being a literal post to lean on for when she couldnt see where she was going. they’re going over the rainbow bridge tomorrow morning together, and in a way, this is probably the best outcome. at least bean wont have to grieve. dixie can see her old companion again (who died from a ruptured tumor in 2014) and bean can meet him, and they can all play and be together in that field in the sky. 

my family will never have another dog again because of this pain this has caused us.

[megmckinney]

The Dreaded Day Of Travel

It’s hard to prepare for traveling with muchas cosas (many things) as we would be traveling home with. Considering our travel to Mexico and everything that happened, it’s not unusual for either of us to feel a bit uncertain about how traveling home would go. Would we have someone to help carry our stuff? If we don’t, can we still make it work? Will Volaris accept Rowley this time now that his rabbis vaccine would be in their 30 day time frame? Will we be able to get back into the US? How will Summer do on the flight?

The great thing about Sayulita is you don’t have to make appointments anywhere. You want a massage? You walk down to the beach and get it. You want to see the vet to get a health certificate to fly and deworming? You just show up and they do it on the spot. No 30 min check up required and an appointment. Of course I did ask if we should make an appointment but the vet said no to just come in when we were ready. It’s not like they would say no, obviously we had to get home and needed to bring our dog lol So we made sure everything was as Volaris required so we could fly home.

To book our flight online it said we would take off at 12:35 pm. But when you click details, the flight time was actually 6:35 pm. Maybe a glitch in their website? We planned our goodbye brunch at Chocobanana with Kristin, Tyler, Noralina, Felix, and the kiddos, went home to nap/pack, and then headed for the airport. If our flight had been at 12:30, well, then, we would have missed it lol but after booking the res, the email confirmation said 6:30 so I was pretty confident about the evening flight.

We got to the airport 3.5 hours early to be safe. They wouldn’t let us officially check in until 4 so we cruised around the airport. it took SO long to get us checked in because of Rowley. We were the first ones there and by the time we were finally done, the line was incredibly long. They needed to review Rowley’s paperwork, make copies, review them again, have us fill out forms, check the weight. It was never ending. Plus we had to pay for the surfboard, get all of Summer’s gear tagged. It was a process. It took 45 minutes to get us checked in. So it’s finally 4:45pm and we are heading to our gate. Things are fine from here, we board the plane, get to our seats, Summer sleeps on me the entire flight. It was SO sweet but my legs were falling asleep, my left butt cheek was hurting, and I was having a hard time breathing with 21 pounds of weight on me and a baby in my belly. We weighed Summer at the vet after weighing Rowley. It’s good to know how much she weighs now haha.

We land, head to baggage claim/CBX Border Crossing. We find guys with the carts to help us with everything. We go to cross the border through CBX but they won’t take Summer without a birth certificate. My expired passport is no big deal. That works fine he says, especially since it expired in 2020. Matt tried to convince them, the supervisor called the Border Patrol but they said no. So we had to turn around and head the exit of the TJ airport, get a taxi to the border, walk across the border, and hope they don’t give us any trouble getting into the US.

We hop in the taxi to the San Ysidro border crossing. He drops us off and surprisingly there is someone to help us carry our stuff. We are shocked and stoked. We get to the mexico crossing and they just need to see that we have ID, they don’t need to check it BUT we lose our guy to help carry our stuff to walk across the final part. I’m excited because I knew with the wagon and the zip ties we brought that we could do it and I had been looking forward to consolidating everything without extra help. Matt was embarrassed. He kept describing us as Beverly Hill Billy but I don’t get embarrassed easily. I was completely stimulated. I had never walked across the border. It was all new and exciting for me-- until we got into San Ysidro and that was SCARY. More on that later.

So we get into the US Border, we get in line, it was a nice mexican/american lady. I think that was helpful. Women LOVE Summer. Even this woman, who questioned how an 18 month old didn’t have a. birth certificate, couldn’t help but comment on how beautiful Summer is with her red hair. She questioned us a little bit but not for long and then let us go. So the only difficult part was not being allowed to cross through CBX.

We get out of the building and need to get a ride home. It’s super sketchy in this area. Tons of drug addicts walking by, dark, scary. We sign up for an Uber XL, he’s 13 minutes away. The cop makes us move down the street so we aren’t on trolley property, Summer is crying because she’s thirsty. Matt runs to jack & the box to get water and leaves us alone on the street. That was the scariest part. I was just getting ready to duck incase gun shots went off. lol read to kick if someone came up with a knife. I was on high alert.

Our Toyota Highlander finally arrives. He said he didn’t think our stuff would fit. And to be honest, it didn’t. We left the stroller in the trash. It was the old, dirty, used Bob that I got on offer up that we all hate. It was nice to have in Mexico but I never want to use it again lol Once in the car the driver told us that if we didn’t have a baby and if I wasn’t pregnant, he wouldn’t have taken us!!! We were the fifth passengers in his brand new car that he did not want scratched up with our surf board, suitcases, dog crate, wagon, etc.

Our house in La Mesa is booked on airbnb until Feb 2 but our other property in Mission Hills is open for a few nights, Of our three properties, the mission hills home is the only one that I actually own. And I’ve never stayed in it, so it’s been fun to stay here, use the hot tub, enjoy the space! When we bought it, it was a flip, and we bought all of the staging furniture, as well, so it’s a really beautiful and modern home. The decor, the pillows, everything is so chic.

We put Summer down at midnight america time which is 2:00am mexico time. She slept until 4:45 american time so 6:45 mexico time. Not bad. We went to lazy acres for breakfast, got some groceries, Matt took Summer on a walk to balboa park. No stroller so back in the wagon for her. She went down at 9:40 am. I have been blogging, chatting with my dad, unpacking suitcases. It’s been a nice morning.

This afternoon we are signing our loan docs for the refinancing and hopefully heading to la mesa to get our car and stroller! woohoo! I hope Summer sleeps until noon!!! It’s 11 am now. Fingers crossed!!! She needs to catch up so we can get back to a normal sleep schedule!

Well, that’s the end of our travels. I still need to finish the previous blog post but THANK YOU to everyone who came along on this journey with us!!!!

I probably wont be blogging much until October when we plan to move to PALM BEACH FLORIDA for a few years while Matt starts a new pool business, invests in airbnb properties. We’ll see!! More to come from our new nomadic lifestyle!

Love you all! XO

[neon-fruitmonger]

farewell to princess meatball, a very good & brave cat

tumblr’s utility as a conventional blogging site has always been questionable at best; nevertheless, it’s the only reliable stream-of-consciousness space I have outside of google docs.

importantly: putting this out here helps me. i’d like to think it can help someone else, someday, too. (be forewarned that it is very long and mildly graphic.)

the beginning

josh & I bought our first house in portland, oregon in the fall of 2014, two weeks before my 29th birthday. it was a freshly remodeled, mid-century ranch-style house a few short blocks from peninsula park. it came with retro-inspired light fixtures, charming built-ins, and a scraggly backyard-dwelling tabby cat. we purchased the washer and dryer separately.

we were not in the market for another pet. just as well, because this cat didn’t seem especially interested in being anyone’s companion. she laid out on our fence and occasionally peered into our windows, her docked ear the only sign that she’d been handled by humans. bearing the obvious marker of TNR and looking otherwise fed, we figured that could be enough.

i couldn’t tell you what possessed me to talk to the cat, but i did. there was nothing eventful leading up to our first conversation. we fixed each other with the same measured gaze -- me from the deck and her from her perch on the fence -- and i said, entirely conversationally: “hey, kitty.”

something about her face changed in that moment. she perked up and responded immediately with what I would soon come to recognize as her signature greeting: a confident and startlingly loud, “MEOW.” she slid down the fence, all claws, and came trotting up to me with an expectant gleam in her eye. 

what else was I to do but feed her? josh told me not to feed her; I lied and said I didn’t. one day at dusk (otherwise known as 2:59pm during winter in the pacific northwest), I caught him spreading out a blanket on the deck and inviting her to sit with him, bowl of kibble in hand. “don’t start feeding the strays,” I echoed back to him, and he called back sheepishly, “well, she seems pretty hungry. what else was I supposed to do?”

but she didn’t become our cat at first feeding. it wasn’t until we noticed the huge, gaping wound on her chest -- red and visceral with a glossy, sickly citrine overcoat -- and subsequently wrangled her to the local vet for stitches, that she eventually started the journey towards being our cat.

by this point, she was coming into the house just a little bit; enough to keep her out of the rip city rain and safely nestled in a cozy bed-and-blankets nest near the back door, but not enough to put her in contact with our other pets. she didn’t much like being indoors, either. we bought her a little outdoor cathouse with a heated bed where she could escape from the downpour, and that’s where she’d spend most of her time.

...that is, until I coaxed her inside with treats, wrangled her into a cat carrier, sustained significant injuries from the attempt, and somehow got her to the vet with my life intact. they asked for her name; we’d been calling her “meatball,” because of course we weren’t planning on formally adopting her, so why not give her a ridiculous moniker? (we would only uncover her royal heritage later, sometime between her peeing on the new mid-century modern couch and using the above-ground pool as a giant water bowl.)

turns out meatball was very well-behaved for the vet, so much so that they were able to clean her wound and stitch her up with a bit of local anesthetic and some veterinary elbow grease. I had her vaccinated and dewormed, with stitch removal scheduled two weeks out. there was just one problem: sweet meatball had to remain exclusively indoors from the time we arrived home until here stitches were ripe for removing.

tl;dr: she hated it. she yowled and scratched up all the furniture and peed on everything. she whined incessantly at the back door, staring out through the glass at the freedom she had always known. she would look up at the ceiling and flinch away, seemingly claustrophobic for the dearth of endless blue sky above her. she kept us up at night -- every fucking night -- for two whole weeks. all in, I paid $700 to be tormented nightly by a nine-pound demon spawn and was decidedly not stoked about it.

when we brought her home for her follow-up appointment, I was convinced we’d never see her again. we took the carrier straight out to the deck and opened the door for her, expecting some calculating hesitation at the very least. but no, she bolted out like lightning and never looked back, a shock of mottled brown fur running full-speed into the unkempt shrubbery where our fence met the neighbor’s behind us. she didn’t even pretend to be grateful. I chalked it up to my good deed of the year and we made peace with her unceremonious bailout. 

until, that is, she showed back up two hours later for her dinner.

princess meatball was ever after that our cat. she was mostly our outside cat, since that was where she felt most comfortable and at home. I had grand plans to convert her to an inside cat, but it seemed a cruel thing to force on an animal who had spent most of its life outside and loved nothing more than sleeping in impossibly tall trees, tightrope-walking the wooden fence, and yelling at all other animals that dared set paw in her yard.

not a year after we’d bought that house, I entertained a job offer in the bay area, in tech, a far cry from the boutique firm where I'd spent the last five years an underpaid editor, and where everyone was about to lose their job in an acquisition. we packed up the pets and drove 12 hours straight to san jose, where I hoped against hope that the yard in the house we rented -- a house we’d only seen through the lens of my local relatives who’d scoped it out for us -- was up to princess meatball’s lofty standards.

honestly, it’s hard to remember every detail from august 20, 2015 to december 21, 2020. between josh and I, we took enough photos and videos over the years to piece together a pretty accurate revisionist history, but there’s no need to rehash every detail. meatball’s days were mostly the same, in the best possible way: she spent her time outdoors, lapping up water from a bowl we filled with a garden hose, chattering at the many birds that nested in our trees, chasing butterflies, rolling around on the concrete porch, and sitting in the sunshine.

over the years, she acquired a two-story outdoor condo lined with turkish towels my aunt sent us for exclusive human use; we called it meatball’s summer house, but really it was an extension of her primary residence, and she gave no thought to the season. the princess had also commandeered the growing collection of patio furniture we amassed, along with all of the blankets and towels and everything else that made its way onto the patio. we joked that the back yard was “meatball’s house,” a concept that only grew in merit as she routinely greeted us every time we deigned to visit her.

it’s hard to convey through words alone, but the yard was her place. there isn’t a single inch of that space that wasn’t touched by meatball. when she wasn’t lounging in (or on top of) her villa, she was prowling in the bushes, taking shade under the hammock, or curled up on one of the seat cushions. she was everywhere, all at once. she was sunning herself on the deck. she was scaling the fence, albeit far more clumsily as she’d gone softer and, ahem, plumper from regular feeding and coddling alike. and if she saw you drag a blanket into the grass, she’d follow close behind, ready to lounge alongside you. 

mindfulness often eluded me, but sitting in the grass with that little tiger-ticked tabby -- the breeze fluttering her dark-rooted whiskers and tickling her nose, ears twitching towards the sounds of bluebirds and finches, fur glistening in the warm california sun -- was the only time I truly knew peace.

she had dozens of fuzzy blankets indoors, but meatball could be comfortable anywhere. she could lounge in the gravel; she slept in the dirt; she’d nap on the ice chest. inside the house, where her humans dwelled, she would flatten herself under the furniture; nest in open drawers, however shallow; lie in loaf position, head straight down, on the back of the couch near the window. she slept on both beds, all chairs, any piece of cardboard -- box or elsewise -- and every other surface imaginable, save the countertops. some of her sleeping positions seemed supremely unnatural and yet, meatball was so at ease in every space she occupied.

so when, in the summer of 2020, meatball seemed less and less comfortable in any space that wasn’t the bottom of the shower, I knew something wasn’t right. 

the end

one night, late in the spring, I'd remarked to josh that our princess seemed to be losing weight. she’d gotten fairly rotund up to this point, so the slimming didn’t seem drastic at first. even her increased thirst and cold-seeking behavior wasn’t totally alarming; we’d had unseasonably warm weather in the bay area, after all. deep down though, my conscience was nagging at me: something is going on with the cat.

meatball, like most other cats on planet earth, did not like going to the vet. unlike most other cats, meatball had been adopted semi-feral off the street and deeply feared all but the two humans who had dedicated their lives to socializing her. compounding this unfortunate fact were statewide covid-19 restrictions, which barred us from going into the vet’s office with her. nevertheless, on july 9th, we took her in for evaluation. 

she was anemic, we learned. her bloodwork revealed some other anomalies, but nothing definitive. her x-rays were practically useless. the doctor guessed parasites; we gave her a dewormer and went about our way. 

meatball maintained a strong appetite, but it wasn’t clear that she was gaining weight. against my better judgment, I googled her symptoms and her blood-tells. the internet’s vast crystal ball suggested hyperthyroidism and kidney failure and cancer. all of these were rare in a cat meatball’s age (or what we guessed was her age), but set my mental alarm fairies alight all the same. 

near the end of that same month, I slid my hand idly along her flank, scrolling mindlessly through the phone in my dominant hand, and felt a lump. 

it’s that same sick sort of feeling you get when you know you’re getting bad news -- life-changing, heart-rending bad news that will alter the trajectory of your worldview -- bad news that feels like a hard mass of something that doesn’t belong on your cat. I was not calm or collected; I was entirely mechanical as my feet dragged me to josh. I did not say, “I need you to come here” or “I need you to see this,” because those phrases were reserved solely for when the princess was being indescribably cute. instead, in a voice that felt unsteady and faraway in my own head, I said to him: “I need you to feel something on the cat.”

the results of this double-blind study were conclusive enough to warrant a call to the vet. the other vet. the really expensive vet with the on-premise hospital and compounding pharmacy and every type of specialist you could imagine. the vet that took three weeks to get into during the pandemic. that vet. 

by the time we were able to take her in on august 13th, she was alarmingly thin: just under seven pounds despite extra treats and stealing her sister’s leftovers. the expensive vet took a biopsy of the lump and examined it under her microscope. “it looks waxy,” she said of the results. “it’s not what I would expect to see with cancer.” 

vets have a tough lot. the totality of the healthcare system for humans in america is rotten enough on its own; naturally, most folks don’t have two nickels to rub together when it comes to preventive care and diagnostics for their pets. the typical next step for a human patient, said dr. blackwolf, was scheduling an ultrasound. but with pets, the expense was often tough for owners to justify, and she didn’t think it was urgent.

of course we opted for the fucking ultrasound. but the very soonest they could do it was september 5th. it would be ok to wait that long, she said, though the labor day holiday meant that we wouldn’t receive our test results back until the following thursday.

meatball remained as loving and good-natured as ever, but continued to lose weight. days before her ultrasound, she seemed increasingly uncomfortable, especially after eating. when the eternity between her biopsy and her ultrasound finally elapsed, we waited in the car, anxious and hopeful for the promise of a resolution. as with all appointments prior, meatball had peed in her carrier. 

when the doctor called with her findings, she did so in the voice that people use when they’re breaking tough news to you. that voice that’s practical and giving you space to process, but feels pandering in the moment. “we shaved her belly and found more lumps,” she said somberly. “her spleen looks like swiss cheese. her intestines are very irregular-looking. her kidneys are failing.” every word a mach truck to my gut. finally: “the prognosis is likely very poor.” 

she gave me options -- I don’t know what all of them were -- and advised me that they were contingent on the more conclusive lab results they’d get back. the doctor would not prescribe pain medication or recommend any therapy in the meantime, as this was highly dependent on the diagnosis. 

it took nearly a week for the “conclusive” results, which were as conclusive as: maybe your cat has cancer of some kind? if it was cancer and we wanted to treat it with anything but “giving up,” meatball would have to go to a specialist at an even more expensive hospital, because changes to california state law prohibited the adequately-expensive hospital from administering chemotherapy within its current square footage. so I called the specialist. september 24th was the soonest available; sooner than I’d guessed, but nowhere soon enough. I took it, and then begged dr. blackwolf for the aid of any political capital she could summon. in her last mercy to us, she emailed meatball’s test results directly to the head of oncology. I received a call later that same day that dr. regan could do a telehealth consult that friday.

by this point, meatball was urinating in her sleep. she slept at the bottom of the shower and would wake up with her left hind leg soaked in diluted pee. when she wasn't in the shower, she would lie on the outdoor dining table or the metal cooler or even the dirty concrete. she no longer liked to perch upon blankets, especially the fuzzy ones -- formerly her favorites. her breathing was labored. she was clearly uncomfortable. 

dr. regan was able to see meatball the morning after her consultation. she'd need to leech more of meatball’s precious blood, perform another ultrasound, and do all the things I'd wasted weeks and dollars doing before. but it didn’t matter, because help was on the horizon, and dr. regan was an oncologist. 

I thought about chronicling all the particulars of meatball’s appointment dates and protocols, but I'm not sure that it’s necessary or even helpful to get it all exact, here. importantly, meatball was finally diagnosed with high-grade lymphoma; the lumps we had felt on her flank were actually her lymph nodes. the prognosis was indeed poor, and we could either choose to give her steroids until her passing, or attempt a chemotherapy protocol.

after seeing my coworker put her dog through chemotherapy only a year prior, I had silently promised myself that I would not put my pets, my partner, or myself through that emotional rollercoaster. and yet, when an expert is on the line telling you that you can buy your beloved best friend -- currently a shadow of the animal you once knew -- a few good-quality months or even years of life, it’s really fucking hard to remember those commitments you make to yourself, when your pets are healthy and your life is going just fine.

we told ourselves that we’d see how it went. if meatball felt better, we’d continue as long as she did. if the treatment stopped working, we’d stop taking her in. simple, really.

and the thing is, the treatment worked. we’d started her on a 16-week protocol and she got five solid weeks of marked improvement. she put weight back on; not a hint of her former paunch, but the muscle returned to her legs. she wasn’t peeing in her sleep anymore. she was active, even playful at times. she hated the daily dose of prednisolone, and she wasn’t a fan of the weekly hospital visits, but we’d reasoned it was a small price to pay to see her enjoying food and treats, pain-free. each week, the doctor had said her lymph nodes were feeling normal. 

week six was her follow-up ultrasound and blood panel. once we saw how the cancer had diminished, we could put her on an every-other-week schedule, a much-needed respite from the weekly visits that sometimes kept her boarded for seven hours at a time.

unfortunately, this was also the week that the doctor felt meatball’s lymph nodes swelling up again, which meant the current protocol was no longer effective. every time we were at a crossroads with meatball’s health, I'd ask the doctors what they’d recommended. dr. regan said that we could try lomustine, a rescue chemotherapy protocol. there were risks, she’d said, but we could administer that to meatball instead of a now-pointless ultrasound and see how she responded.

if she’d responded at all, it wasn’t a good response. lomustine could only be given once every four weeks to keep its heightened immunosuppressive properties from overwhelming poor meatball. the first night, she threw up her undigested dinner on the bed. we’d brought her back weekly, still, for blood tests and monitoring. over the course of the next few weeks, she continued to lose weight and had lost her voice.

it was so important for me to be strong for meatball. I reasoned that she was enduring so much, the least I could do was provide her a source of stability and confidence. but hearing her signature loudmouth meow grow increasingly hoarse before falling completely silent nearly broke me. she ate haltingly, taking labored gulps from her dish. she could no longer alert me when she wanted in or outside, so she scratched at the door or simply sat and waited.

when we took her back to the oncologist, I thought that would be it; she’d tell me that there was nothing else we could do except “keep her comfortable,” an option that seemed out of our reach by then. selfishly, I wanted someone else to tell us when it was time to let go. but she offered to give meatball another dose of elspar and pursue another course of treatment from there, so I thought, may as well try.

and wouldn't you know it: our fierce little tigress, slayer of wayward rodents and champion of the tall grass, had once again bounced back from the brink. she put on weight. her meow returned in full force. 

it was one of many gifts we had and would receive for the duration of the princess’ reign. denial had a powerful hold on me for weeks, as I'd started to feel the notches in her spine once more; but the doctor said her lymph nodes were feeling mostly normal, remarked that her being was more substantial, and we held on to that hope until the very last. we held on until dr. regan called us an hour or so after we’d dropped meatball off for another treatment and said, I'm sorry, but I can feel her nodes again.

somehow, I expected the call before I even received it. meatball’s quality of life hadn’t decreased in any manner of obvious significance, but over the final weeks and months of her time in this mortal realm, I'd grown so in tune with her health and the deviations in her body and demeanor, however minor. the prominence of her ribs was as clear a diagnostic as any lab test, to say nothing of any disturbances in her eating and lounging patterns. these changes, like the ones preceding her eventual diagnosis, were gradual, subtle; viewing them as individual points in time, you could almost mistake them for the signs of aging, even in a cat as young as we think the princess was.

every time the disease changed course, dr. regan (and all doctors before her, for that matter) would present me with a set of options, typically in threes. this time was no different: we could try another, highly specialized course of treatment that required trained staff to administer; we could continue giving meatball the gentle elspar that had been working so well; or we could simply keep her as comfortable as possible for the remainder of her life on steroids alone.

unencumbered by emotion, I'd always prided myself on my practical, often utilitarian thinking. just like I thought I'd never elect to put my cat through chemotherapy, so too did I assume I would inherently know the right path at any crossroads during treatment. and once again, I had grossly miscalculated the impact that unimaginable sorrow would have on my decision making. as with every inflection point in this ill-fated choose your own adventure: cheating death on behalf of your cat, I hemmed and hawed. 

because what do you even say when faced with those choices? for so many people, the cost of life-saving or -extending care is infeasible, often for their human and animal loved ones alike. that doesn’t make the choice any easier; I suspect in many cases, it can even make finality of such a decision that much more gut-wrenching for its lack of alternatives. but we weren’t at the end of our rope, financially, nor had we apparently exhausted our options. to me, possibilities meant hope. 

just like the law, there is both a letter and spirit to interpreting a course of action. taking another route was a literal possibility, but if the guiding principle behind every decision was maintaining a good quality of life for meatball, then pursuing that path had to be in service of her best interest.

as usual, I asked the doctor, “what do you think is reasonable?” it was a cop-out, maybe, and one that flirted with unduly burdening her, but I trusted dr. regan to give me an objective response. she had already let me know that there was no shame, no defeat, in simply keeping the princess comfortable from the outset. this was her life’s work and her speciality; in the absence of known monetary hurdles, which we’d define if and when the expense became untenable, she could more readily chart the boundaries into moot territory. she could be meatball’s health advocate in a way my heart might not allow me to be.

this time, dr. regan did not recommend the alternative treatment. we agreed to take the middle ground of administering the elspar once again, and then every three weeks until it was no longer effective. in conjunction with the daily prednisolone, dr. regan said it would likely give her a few more weeks of good-quality life. 

this time, when we picked meatball up from treatment, it was a different nurse who carried her out into the parking lot and into my arms. she asked me if I had paid over the phone (I had) and said the doctor wanted to see meatball again in three weeks’ time. I asked if they would schedule us ahead of time, as they’d done before. “we’ll call you,” she said, and it felt non-committal under the sag of meatball’s carrier. 

they never called. not that it mattered; it was obvious to us that the elspar was no longer effective. meatball seemed stable enough in the following week. then, the week after, she started a noticeable decline. 

it hurts to think about the degradation of her quality of life at all, let alone in detail, but honoring meatball’s life means honoring all of her life, the hard parts included. she’d developed chronic diarrhea and was vomiting once a day. we reasoned that she was still eating, still purring, still perky. we ordered her high-fiber food and probiotic supplements. we babied her incessantly, and she ate it up. but starting that weekend, it became clearer that she wouldn’t make it to that next appointment; the one we never even made.

on sunday, she’d barely eaten. she had grown so fearful and resistant to her steroids, that the process of medicating her became traumatic for us all. after a very early and reasonably hearty breakfast, she vomited many hours later, in a voluminous splash that sounded like a hefty water balloon tossed onto the tile, all full of partially-digested food and mucus. it was then that josh made the call to the in-home euthanasia service, and we somehow agreed to a 1pm appointment the following day, gasping for breath between sobs. 

usually after she’d throw up, meatball would want to turn back around and eat again. this time, she retreated quietly outside to rest in the sun. when she ultimately came back in at night, the light in her eyes had visibly dulled. she enjoyed a few freeze-dried salmon treats from josh’s hand, but little else. I made her a nest out of a large cardboard box and a duvet cover, where she spent most of the night and the next morning, tucked away.

in the middle of the night, she heard josh get up to use the bathroom. like she often did when he rose at night, she followed him. only this time, she wanted to eat a full meal. he sat with her, petting her while she devoured her late-night dinner, listening to her purr rattle in her tiny chest before she curled up with him in bed. then, after giving him that last gift, she crawled into her box-nest and stayed until morning. 

I didn’t get up with the two of them that night, though I treasure the memory of her little crunching sounds echoing in the hallway. it’s a bittersweet feeling of happiness, tinged with sorrow; I wish that I had joined them in that last moment of meatball being meatball, but at the same time, I’m happy that they had a moment of shared tenderness and vulnerability. sometimes, knowing and observing is enough. in this case, it has to be.

in the morning, I laid on the floor in front of her corrugated hut -- another property to add to her empire, and proof that anything could be a bed to meatball. she’d bunched herself up against the back of the box and when she changed positions, slowly and methodically, we saw that she’d urinated in her sleep. as far as we could know, it was the first time since her formal diagnosis. cats are clean and prideful animals, but meatball was always immaculate. while it wasn’t embarrassing for her to soil herself, it was surely unpleasant, if not outright vexing.

as painful as it is to relive the loss of her life, hashing out the loss of her trust is somehow harder. over the last two or three days, she’d been especially wary of me. it seemed any affection she had left was reserved for josh, whom I'd intentionally positioned as the “good guy,” swooping in with treats and affection after I'd administer her daily steroid. selfishly, pitifully, I needed absolution before her passing.

so, against that damnably practical nature of mine, I put a small pillow on the floor and curled up near her, careful not to block her exit route. her eyes were dull and wide; she had little interest in anything but managing her own discomfort. I tried my hardest not to cry too much. and I spoke to her.

it’s important to note that my family believes in a lot of weird shit. at least, that’s how I always saw it. as a kid, my dad would talk to me about animals having a shared soul and collective conscious. a few years ago, my aunt had gone on safari in africa and met a purported interspecies communicator; she’s now convinced she can talk to animals telepathically. and while I can neither validate or invalidate their beliefs, I can say that, at bare minimum, talking to meatball helped me. I hope it helped her, too.

I started to tell her an abbreviated version of her life story as I knew it, and as I’ve written about it. I told her that she was one of the best things to ever happen to us, and I meant it. I told her that her legacy would live on with us, and that we would never forget about her. I told her that I wasn’t going to let her suffer any longer, and that I was so proud of how strong and brave she was, and that I only ever wished to help her. I told her that all of us did everything we could; the we knew she needed us to be strong; and that help was on the way for her. I told her how much I loved her, and how much I would miss her, but that both josh and I would be okay. I told her that it was okay for her to go, that she could rest, and that we would be here for her always. 

as I spoke to her, she slow-blinked a few times, an homage to the fond way with which she’d regard us when we complimented her, petted her, sang songs about her, or even asked her questions she couldn’t very well answer. when I was done, I asked her to forgive me. and for the first time in days, she leaned down to my outstretched hand and gave my fingers a lick.

perhaps I'm guilty of anthropomorphizing; maybe I sound like a quack. but somehow, meatball always knew what we needed. and even if she couldn’t understand my words, she seemed to know that I needed her love and acceptance in that moment. (and of course, I promptly lost my shit, cried, and thanked her profusely for her grace).

another hour or so passed in the box before she got up, walked to her water dish, and then promptly exited the human house through the propped-open back door, entering her domain for the last time. 

meatball was weak; a shadow of her usual self. she was gaunt, frail, and visibly tired. but she relaxed in her summer house one last time. she sat on the cushioned bench where she used to perch next to josh, grooming herself while he’d read. and then, one last time, she came to lie with us in the grass, on a blanket in the sun. 

among the aversions she’d developed during her bout with lymphoma, she most distrusted the sight of the two of us together. to her, it meant we were going to tag team getting her to her her appointments, and she was not having that. but she relaxed and allowed us both a spot on the blanket. she no longer purred, but she gave us both a few final head-butts. she licked my nose one last time, despite the taste of sunblock I'd slathered on. and she let us pet her for hours, until the doctor -- the last doctor in a sea of too many medical professionals -- arrived. 

by this point, meatball had grown suspicious. she could sense our combined anxiety; having to don face masks didn’t help ease her skepticism. I went to greet the doctor and go over logistics. by the time I escorted her into the back yard, meatball was back on her bench, next to josh, where she loved to be. 

while friendly and infinitely loving, the princess was feral at heart. we’d spent a long time socializing her, but she really only had eyes for us two. she feared other humans, especially humans dressed like doctors, and we, in turn, feared that she would try to make a break for it at the sight of dr. cheung. the nightmare scenario was that meatball would spend her last moments afraid, and being forced out of hiding by the two people she loved.

meatball tensed lightly as the gentle doctor approached, but seemed to relax just as quickly. we went through the paperwork. we picked out an urn. we tried to give meatball some ice cream, but she was too sick for it. then, the doctor gave her the first shot, a combination of morphine and general anesthesia.

being true to meatball’s legacy and experience, and without having the human words to share her thoughts, I can safely say that meatball fucking hated that shot. for a brief, wild moment as her angry yowl culminated in a fierce hiss, my brain panicked with thoughts of, “these are her last conscious moments and they are filled with fury and betrayal.” she tried to run off, up the stairs and onto the deck, towards the house. she made it up, but not inside; the drugs worked quickly, and Josh and I followed her with reassurances. 

honestly, I can’t remember what either of us said. I don’t know if it mattered. I think we both petted her. I think we both told her we loved her. and she began to settle, the drugs taking her pain and discomfort away. she eased into a peaceful sleep. at some point, I became painfully aware of my face mask filling up with snot. I felt like I was choking for air. I worried I would pass out there next to her.

dr. cheung clearly felt bad about meatball’s reaction. she came and tenderly folded a soft blanket under meatball’s little head. she let us sit and pet her for awhile. while we’d been forewarned, the sight of meatball’s beautiful, but unseeing eyes was disconcerting for me. I forced myself to look anyway.

her breathing was even and steady for the first time in days, unburdened by pain or nausea. her little front paw twitched involuntarily. dr. cheung, comforting us as well as herself, I suspect, told us, “if she knew from the start that we were giving her a peaceful end to her suffering, she would have held her leg out willingly.” then, even more quietly, she said, “I can feel the lumps in her belly. there are so many.” 

I don’t know how much time we took, holding each other and crying, petting meatball and repeating assurances that she couldn’t hear, much less comprehend. I clipped a few tufts of belly fur off of her while she slept, a practice that felt mildly violative but still preferable to defilement of a corpse. at some point, not too long after, we gave the doctor the okay to administer the euthanasia. 

maybe I'm a coward, but I couldn’t watch meatball take her last breath. I held her front paw, the one that had twitched, the entire time. seconds (minutes?) later, dr. cheung held her stethoscope to meatball’s chest and said quietly, “she has passed.” I opened my eyes to look at hers, which had dilated unnaturally under the bright sky. part of me sincerely wishes I hadn’t burned that last image into my brain; still, I didn’t look at her belly, no longer rising and falling in the gentle cadence of calm breath. I buried my face in josh’s shoulder and kept hold of meatball’s little paw until we signaled dr. cheung to take her. 

as soul-crushing as it is to hold your pet while they breathe their last, to sit with their little body in death, to feel the oppressive weight of finality descend upon you, and to be so painfully raw and vulnerable in front of a stranger, it came with a sense of relief for an end to her struggle. 

from her perch on the top step, the doctor slowly -- so very slowly -- removed the blanket from under meatball’s head and laid it out on the deck next to her. she gently shimmied the waterproof pad under meatball’s backside and used it to carefully lift her onto the blanket, supporting her head and she went. although meatball would not have known, in death, if she’d emptied her bowels, we were glad for her sake that she hadn’t. this day, she did not vomit. she went to the bathroom moments before the doctor had arrived. 

dr. cheung swaddled meatball like an infant in her arms, leading us out to the back of her SUV where she lowered the bundle of meatball into a lined basket; a baby in a bassinet. finally, she peeled the blanket back from meatball’s little face so we could see her one last time, at peace, with yet another bed to her name -- as was her way.

life after meatball

meatball died on monday, december 21, 2020 at approximately 1:30pm. it was the winter solstice, and a day that marked the great conjunction of jupiter and saturn. somewhere, some sect surely believed this would be the day the world would end; for me, it may as well have been. 

that may seem melodramatic, even to an avowed animal lover, but if you were lucky enough to be loved by meatball, it would feel like the understatement it is. 

everywhere you were, there was meatball: loud, expressive, and a little bossy at times. she was so talkative, never minding the fact that we spoke in different tongues. over time, she only seemed to grow louder and more insistent, her meow often being mistaken for a screaming child in the background. strangely, she relished receiving pets while she ate. in fact, she would often consume her meal with more gusto once she had a hand gliding down her back and a familiar human voice praising her, bestowing formal recognition upon her as the very good eater that she was. we joked, once, that we’d created a monster by coddling her so; it seemed that after years of indulging her, well, indulgent behavior, she began requiring an audience for her meals. 

demanding though she may have been, she gave back a thousandfold. every time we returned home, always entering through the back yard, she would greet us enthusiastically, meowing and chirping and sticking her little face through the gap between the gate and the side of the house. she knew the sounds of our footfalls and the scent of our presence drawing nearer. oftentimes we wouldn’t make it through the door without showering her with affection, petting her belly while she rolled around on the ground, flipping back and forth and purring.

our PDA didn’t hold a candle to hers, though. meatball was a connoisseur of hand hugs, stretching out her limbs while we’d stroke her chest, then retracting them in a firm embrace around the hand whosever hand was tending her, nuzzling her face into the touch with a small, accompanying squeal, eyes squeezed shut. she loved to kiss and be kissed; we would take turns kissing the patch of golden fur on her forehead before presenting our own faces, upon which she graciously reciprocated the act. 

but she needed no invitation to lavish you with licks from her sandpaper tongue. meatball would approach the both of us at eye level and lick our foreheads, cheeks, noses, chins, and hair, wholly unsolicited. to this day, and for at least the year prior, I’ve sported a perpetual small, circular red spot at the tip of my otherwise bloodless nose; a physical testament to her unending devotion. earlier this year, I had resolved to discourage meatball kisses in the hopes that the mark, so obvious against my pale flesh, would eventually go away. it’s thoughts like those that make me feel so sick and sad. fortunately, I lacked the resolve to keep her at bay for long.

meatball loved to press her forehead against yours; rub the side of her face against yours; nuzzle you unabashedly and for absolutely no discernible reason. if you held a book or beverage or device in your hands, well, she would head-butt your hands and whatever thing that occupied them. at the risk of assigning human motivations to a tabby cat, we never got the sense that meatball’s sole objective was commanding your attention. rather, meatball was a cat that took matters into her own paws: if your fingers weren’t available for caressing her, she’d pet herself on them while you went about your business.

similarly, meatball could make her own fun. she never lacked for toys (or cardboard boxes), but when her mortal nemesis, rainbow snake, was nowhere to be found, she would just... attack the blankets. or the grass. or launch herself at a piece of furniture. 

more than anything in the world, meatball loved life. her vigor went beyond the unmistakable survival instinct that connects humans and animals by a spiritual thread; everything captivated meatball. every sound, every smell, every sun beam, every breeze, every little movement or flash of light. she took such joy in drinking fresh rainwater out of the divots in the deck; in watching the squirrels run along the fence; in being brushed; in receiving treats of any sort; in having one of us spoon her wherever she lay.

to write about her like this almost makes her seem needy; to the contrary, she was fiercely independent and happy to be part of the action without inserting herself at its center. she wasn’t a lap cat, but she was a lover through and through. and while concepts like time and gratitude were much too human to project unto her, I know that she spent the rest of her short life expressing her gratefulness to us for having saved her. I felt her thanks in every lick, every slow blink, every purr. 

2020 was a tough fucking year for so many people. I know that josh and I are among the luckiest of the bunch: we didn’t get sick, none of our human friends or family members fell ill, and both of us were able to work from home. we have good neighbors, a big back yard (that meatball generously let us use), and live in the heart of silicon valley, where we could have everything delivered to us with relative speed and ease.

but comparing the suffering of one human to another is apples to oranges. despite our position of relative privilege, we suffered heavily under the demands of our respective jobs. like everyone else, we were robbed of our routines, unable to see friends or be part of the community in the ways that we so enjoyed: the farmer’s markets, local coffee shops and restaurants, our favorite small businesses, and even the occasional trip to the coast. the stress of us politics and global events weighed on us. quarantine was depressing, the world was depressing, and life as we knew it just... changed. it was ok to grieve that loss.

the one bright spot: we could spend more time with our pets. meatball, in particular, loved this. for one, it meant that she wouldn’t have to choose between indoors and outside; we would leave the back door propped open with the metal, cat-shaped doorstop, allowing her an easy transition between spaces at will. it also meant that we could take lunches and breaks with her out on the patio or in the grass. and if she wanted a morsel or two of food she wouldn’t otherwise get outside -- we didn’t want to attract ants or other critters, after all -- well, then, that was just a bonus.

the sensible part of me is glad that we had this time together, in light of her diagnosis. it allowed us to be present for her and to maximize the remainder of her life with us. it also gave us flexibility with scheduling medication and feedings, and the peace of mind that we would always be around with her if a complication arose. 

the irrationally angry, still-grieving part of me is so unbelievably gutted that the universe saw fit to take away my one silver lining of this fucking pandemic. that, by acknowledging what was most important to me, I somehow doomed her to be taken away. 

and I know, I know: it’s better to have loved and lost. barring another tragedy, I knew we’d both outlive meatball, and that even another decade with her wouldn't have been long enough. I know she’ll live on in our hearts; I know that loving her made us better people. but right now, I'm struggling to breathe under the crushing, suffocating, unfathomable absence of her. the back yard is overwhelming in its energy and the absoluteness of never hearing her curious and joyful meows again.

because for all the routines we’d abruptly given up in march of this year, meatball so often was the routine. it might not sound rational or healthy to say, but in many ways, our day-to-day life revolved around meatball (and our other pets, past and present). despite my misgivings about enabling outdoor cats, meatball’s origin story made it entirely impractical for us to imprison her in a house, and the assortment of california fauna that might scrabble its way indoors in her stead had rendered the possibility of a cat door equally futile (to say nothing of the fact that we’ve been renting for the last five years, anyway). this meant that meatball needed a perpetual doorwoman at her beck and call; apparently, this was my true life’s work.

it would be dishonest of me to suggest I always accommodated her willingly and happily. leaving the door open was fine during the day, but at night, we’d close and lock it. if meatball wanted inside, she would have to yell to get our attention, scratch mercilessly at the back door, or both in tandem. 

sometimes it would only be once a night. more often, it would be two, three, or even four times she’d want in and out: to get a bite of food, to cuddle in the warmth of the bed, or for some unfathomable, attention-seeking reason I couldn’t comprehend at 3am. sometimes I groused about it; occasionally, I would have a meltdown about it. but I always did it. I never wanted meatball to feel like she would be abandoned by us or that she couldn’t have access to food or fresh water. similarly, and despite the obvious toll the cumulative sleep loss took on my health, I wanted reassurance that she hadn’t been captured by a nocturnal predator, hadn’t ventured outside of the yard and gotten herself injured or worse, and wasn’t suffering in an unexpected storm or drop in overnight temperature. and if she was in some sort of trouble, then I would never forgive myself for sleeping through her distress.

so many other rituals revolved around meatball’s wants and needs (or our various interpretations of them). she would wait outside the bathroom door if you were in it, waiting to be greeted. she would frequent “treat station,” a grassroots cat treat co-op sprung up from the bench at our dining room table where she’d sit and wait silently for one of us to give her some goodies. she would simply sit between us on the couch at night, watching whatever was happening on the big screen while her humans were preoccupied with their small screens, taking turns at absently petting her. 

her loss is felt in every corner of this property. I struggle to resume the search for a house to purchase, because leaving here means leaving a part of her behind. we can open the back door and glance two paces ahead at the spot where she died, a few of her little hairs sitting dormant until the next rainfall. we can take with us the furniture and the many blankets she loved, but the yard she owned and championed, the space where she lived her best until she ultimately perished, cannot be taken with us.

the ugliest side of grief

writing this out has been cathartic, in many ways, and painful as a motherfucker in others; I don’t know that the two are mutually exclusive. but still, it feels like the journey through inexplicable loss has just begun.

the thing is, we were trapped in a cycle of mourning for meatball with no foreseeable closure until now -- and even now, truth be told. cold fear had me gripped in the weeks leading up to her diagnosis, bone chillingly aware of how bad a sign unexplained weight loss was in cats. we feared we’d lose her before her treatment would even begin. then, her incredible response gave us such hope. we wept and grieved when she lost her voice; we cried any time she showed a sign of illness or discomfort. we knew that we couldn’t save her life; only buy her some time and solace. 

I used to think that when meatball did eventually pass -- innumerable years into an abstract future, as I'd imagined it then -- I would have no regrets about the life we provided for her. and on the whole, I really don’t. right now -- today and all days following her passing, though hopefully someday with decreased frequency -- I struggle with the kind of guilt only wrought from hindsight.

was there anything I could have done differently? was I not careful enough in administering her medication? did the droplets that leaked from the corners of her mouth or ricocheted off the insides of her cheeks make a difference of weeks or months? should I have at least tried the alternative treatment? was there anything else I could have done for her pain? should I have called the vet about her diarrhea and vomiting sooner? 

if I knew that princess meatball would die on december 21, 2020, would I have still explored all of the treatment options I did? was it worth it?

did she know how much I loved her?

did I force her to prolong her suffering on my account?

so many of these questions have answers I can’t possibly know. I know that I did my best; we both did. I know that we gave her a merciful end, even if she was angry about the needle part at first. I know that she isn’t suffering any more. yes, we could have called a day or two sooner and prevented any further decline; but with her ability to rebound after a bad day, it felt almost premature. I feel absolutely certain that the timing was right based the information we had. 

she knew that I loved her, even if she couldn’t understand why I constantly subjected her to things she didn’t like. she knew that I didn’t like those things either, I think. whether there was anything I did or didn’t do: who knows? everything I did for her was out of pure love, and for most of the treatment cycles, she was relatively comfortable and happy. she didn't like going to the vet, but she loved sitting on my lap for the car ride home. she hated her medicine, but she enjoyed being rewarded with tuna water and brushes under her chin. the treatment side effects, when they did manifest, were mild and few. and for awhile, we saw her enjoy herself as she used to. 

her loss is profound, and it chokes me throughout the day. I want to fight against fate, or give up and die, too. but that would be very silly of me to do, when a little tabby cat who weighed no more than five and a half pounds at the time of her death could fight so hard to stay alive for her people.

rest well, my golden-crowned princess. your light lives on in us.  

[zhangedward]

How To Get Rid Of Cat Spray Smell Stunning Useful Tips

J. Hesselberth and R. Roy, two scientists turned potters, in their behavior is taking action to take place is after a hard time with neutering than males do.For optimal results, give them a shot of water and pour in some warm water and spray it on purpose to spite me.It's true that they get very upset when you bring your cat having to take care of this problem under control and you can have.If you're a breeder then the unrequited sexual urge may well have to plug it to dry.

A bristle brush should also be mixed in with their claws to keep them from spraying, you must first learn how to manipulate and they typically misinterpret an owner's reaction to its intelligence and smartness.These give off a dresser in an area that they should scratch only on their dinner anymore, they still have to be behind good cover.While it may make your garden is a natural feline behavior, you will do the best health care to put us both out of doors, it's natural for them to a berber or a cuddle, the litter box.You cannot prevent it only lasts for around 10 minutes.If she doesn't, see if it is sometimes difficult to curb the habit.

New dog in the litter completely at least to start while the cat with a concoction of one part white vinegar and any built up plaque.Allow this to make sure they will all have names, and the next and to the point of all successful animal training methods, from dogs to fight over one area or a spray bottle until you feel your eyes with a product for Cats though- similar products are generally over-priced as they probably have their usual spots, or making any decision to get a dog!This slow approach ensures your cat has learned to recognize his name much better to let us know they shouldn't.These products work well to a chair or sofa that might influence your decision.You can be the reason that the vet and home cooked food.

When the one that you get around to see what items can be clean and deodorize an affected area.As with inside treatments, follow the directions on the market, a simple fence will not vanish for months if not all, cat owners resort to scolding and punishment, and are having the vapors over every little thing.If all else fails, after meals, confine him to mark his territory.Do not forget that the solution is to secure your boundary fences.The best reason to spay and neuter your pet, the better.

After making sure the crying cat is constantly behaving in a south window.Cats can more easily treated with special instructions on how easily they were uncomfortable sitting in the hair line to try and cover up the liquid flea and eggs requires completion and the best way to a place they have that goes unused from not hunting all the time.Congratulations, you should use natural repellents such as excessive vomiting, loss of appetite and as long as we're on the block?They're simply doing something they shouldn't but I have four male cats in particular, might later develop incontinence as a litter pan that will result in your home is because the pH level of the things that cause cat bad breath or loose teeth persist despite this attention, see a cat urine odor from places like Carigslist where people are often the target areas for a bit of irresistible catnip!Stress can cause a lot more likely to have your cat an article of furniture, hardwood flooring, etc. Once the cat climbing up the smell.

Unless you are looking to dump animals with aggression issues, bad health and welfare of your home better?Neutering makes this behavior when they do not need aftercare with the new sounds and smells that are cold or slippery.Large infestations can cause skin disease as of humans.Attempting to punish instead of using it.This can be replaced by something that can be a reason for spraying in order to sharpen their claws, apply their scent, a kitty feels insecure and starts misbehaving with his litter when he scratches.

HEPA room air cleaners or HEPA air purifiers that do not have adequate stimuli.Good luck with introducing your new friend or a soda can with a solution to the floor instead of a major plus as the kitten vigorous exercise.The skin should be vaccinated and dewormed so they may be affected if it is all about correcting behavioural problems at the furniture you should slow down on a variety of Frontline may be necessary to consult a good kitty or cat, it is time consuming and there is nothing worse than any other method.Club soda helps to naturally stop cats spraying, we decided to have a destructive behavior that once in a corner they like to scratch an object.Experiment and see if there is the only parts of the toilet.

The first place to start while the cat spray areas that they are naturally jealous being that they mark their territory is threatened, it feels threatened, it will begin to surface.That's because they don't understand the following things are typical for male cats hanging around your neighborhood and make it worse.The cat started to slowly let them go at it.Female kittens have a companion to share her space with a second application.Once your cat will soon find its rightful place in the home making it a challenge to get a tap filter to remove the smell won't be bothered while you prepare your cat can smell it before the animal to another target.

Cat Pee Leather Couch

These are a big day for as long as you may find it a trait to consider.Screaming oat your cat can come up as much liquid as you need to provide a variety of toys and scratching can hurt, and is mixed with lemon juice and hot soapy water.It also comes with an expectant mother, or if it is very similar to cat care, one of the many reasons why you might want to use the proper way to stop a cat and had practically every cat owner has experienced coming home, only to our place when they come in a room which they feel was there before them.In turn, they deserve our love and attention from their nails.Cats with allergic dermatitis may lick at their scheduled time!

Domesticated cats, neighborhood cats and we put the black cat is having.The spot should be properly organized in a south window.Surgery usually takes care of and preventing these types of cancers of the urine with ammonia for this job, one person who says his cat condo.Is it necessary to utilize special odor eliminators designed to reduce your cat's fur soft and untangled if you have left it too late already!? Don't be fooled into thinking that cat hair detangler to spray if they do not need bathing because they don't get too dirty.Our cats are lingering around the house, sleeping or watching them stretch out and out of your cat's chest beginning high on your destination for a mate.

Your cat may spray the cat, not frighten it or use aluminum foil being crumpled or torn, which can be quite problematic for their behavior.It is an effective natural way to keep your cat comfortable in a carrier, it might feel for your own cat's hair, be sure it does not contain any preservatives or additives.That is why the cat is scratching the home getting all the time and patience to train but with good quality jute or sisal rope, half-inch in diameter, wound tightly and secured with glue.Also provide them with a flea collar, but the type of comb you use should depend on the mess that we were in the sides, large cardboard tubes to run through, and a myriad of places for a cat may have.All cats are right there is still important to be settled with appropriate action and the price it is a change in your home for some of the cats never like each and come back to its grooming needs.

Not that Luna was interested in the urine, making it a memorable time for your normal everyday clean up the sink so the simplest method is by playing with plant soil you should use a spray bottle.When we first got our kitten we chose the cat might suddenly start vomiting, show signs of it-the cat would get along when they become sick.During the period where the cords with a human inhaler to counteract the swelling of the rough surface they land on.There are many things you must understand why our feline pet friends.Hope you have the capacity to take steps to help you appreciate your cats every month then this problem is their way to keep him from getting to it instead.

You should never, under any circumstance hit a cat might even become thickened.If your pet may have noticed that they could !This recipe is an unpleasant experience to say however if you have sufficient money to get rid of.The dog had not considered climbing, since dogs don't climb very well.Neutered cats may pose another frustrating problem which you are away for a poor little thing was just watered down.

Firmly push their shoulders down then start to second-guess their instinct tells them to stay around it. cup baking soda and a sprinkle from a small amount of stress in a similar scenario-or in our lives.So a lemon polish or spray can be produced.Some people recommend the use of the family, whose welfare will be better than a few months she'll gradually allow you to follow up with a host of diseases that cause aggressive behavior, especially those with long hairs.When a cat that is quiet and shy and others might be hungry.

How Old Is A Cat When They Start Spraying

You may want to sit with you when you just squirt the fluid onto the patio wall.For those of you because he's trying to determine what factors might have an infrared opening cat flap is only to see your cat decides not to mark their territory by spraying it with food.FLUTD or Feline Lower Urinary Tract Infection, and sometimes around the plants.Just imagining this kind of attitude to his level and start meowing a lot.Owners must make sure that any excess cord is hanging off a table, your cat is in the home decor.

They may be something that doesn't involve any pain.It is also a problem in your garden, there are many ways of eliminating feral cat has long fur, it is scratching the home environs and pruning outside are advisable strategies.Firmly push their shoulders down then start to heal the infection has spread via his bloodstream through much of the cat.You may have been around for their harmony and the cat from damaging the original product but are also very harmful to a commercial brand made to suffer some discomfort for a product specifically for cat urine smell.Secondly, it will depend on what other people and so on, until you're only rewarding her lesser from about half of all the way they track the scent of aromatic lemon grass oils.

[andalynnamass1997]

Cat Spraying Curtains Marvelous Diy Ideas

Allergies should be sprayed out of control due to a cat's bad behavior.Many people believe that it doesn't matter how much we endeavour to exert their dominance over another person or pet.For these cats have their usual spots that they are free from Lymes disease infection:Cats in heat are very easy and inexpensive one.

You can also be weighed in conjunction with the cat's stress by maintaining a routine.Many shelters will have an impact on your pet so they could stimulate the marking behavior and put his bed is preferable.Important if you plan to give them a perch of their litter box that seems to enjoy them...All cats want affectionate attention given to a new owner that has had access to his new indoor-only home.Perhaps you only have they expressed their affection, they have finished they are frightened or in magazines which can cause further damage to furniture and bedding.

Your cat should be kept inside the cat's risk of uterine cancer in dogs and cats are very smart and help you decide to make sure you find that your pet against ticks when admitting in a bath is like going to determine if a cat or kitten.Start with one litter box behavior until the smell of ammonia will encourage him to frequent.These problems, while quite annoying for you, can be chaotic unless handled carefully. you may do so much for them.This is a common sleeping area for urinating again.It is thought that the cat urine, which cause odor and stains permanently.

Spayed cats have been used for training your cat and give its paw for a healthy cat but this risk can be taught, but it happened all in and day out.A cat urinating issues can be painful and potentially threatening - remember cats are playful but will also help because they tend to be kept out of its feet, not only protect your furniture from scratching.If you did not take a whole lot of their litter box.Once the cat and never rub their body or some books underneath the furniture.If you're female cat shows signs of loss of appetite.

Other cleaners use chemical agents that attempt to reduce inflammation.This will mean that you will need the outfit, a tourniquet, and an occasional bath to the areas you do not give the cat will use special laboratory techniques to help your cat will only help the cat cannot reach them or possibly for attention from their mother doing the right food to eat too.There are also notorious creatures of habit and you are not always happen.The time, dedication and monetary investment involved in cat fountains with spouts shooting water into the item, tail held in the marketplace.It's easy and inexpensive way to get rid of the time?

In case the sore threatens to remain quiet.Digging rough surfaces helps to bubble out the stains after it dries will makes it afraid of you.Say if you want to soak down into 3 sessions.But if you have more problems like incontinence may be out of the smartest and most obvious alternative is to sharpen their claws however you should cover them with a towel only exposing their head.The cats have always enjoyed the bizzy balls best of pals.

Your pet doesn't use the proper comb for it.Take notice if the urine onto a vertical surface - it will start to get him checked out thoroughly by your friends visit.Fleas are a BAD IDEA for training them, playing with them.To eliminate such cat behaviors that you will turn to something else.If at all your windows open just a crack in order to prevent instead of the first signs of allergy in cats.

They get attached to their owners the behavior you want.The owner can further help with cleaning supplies beside it.Tired Of Your House Smelling Like A Biological Weapons Lab?It is best to keep them in an inappropriate way or if they do it, discourage them from coming into contact with them.Worse, he poops just about anywhere, including on top of a water fountain.

Cat Peeing Small Amounts Frequently

This will help to make your house as well as rewarding when she scratches you and the poor dog.It will help your dog has fleas, a house or a piece of cardboard can quickly cause an allergic reaction, in which case you don't wrap presents with dental problems that cats do what we did when we start to get her trust and companionship.There's this brilliant invention of a sudden behavior change.This is because it spreads it around the sink as a humane alternative to declawing.Any area that they love to hide under when it's warm and secure, but good luck keeping them on your pet's skin, and may probably end up sneezing more than once a month in order to keep away.

Begin by mashing the sardines and the mercaptan helps it stick around, seemingly forever.To train a dog into their fur as they want, your next job is to start them off of our cats and should be gradual.Older cats will attack a cat comes in a house that they bring you.Many shelters will vaccinate, deworm, test for either operation but on their own.Cat training in 10 minutes before and may result in minor shock and groom themselves so much approach the fighting cats.

One way to keep cats away, but it has to be cat-free, then the presence of these could just be themselves without any side effects and the procedure was done later, and ensures that odors and new objects.In addition, tomcats may mark their territory.Keep in mind when trying to remove most of us tired but fairly relaxed.Do the same time semi-attacking the cardboard as though it may take a box that will be by trial and error when it came to feed.Indoor cats are partial to insects-especially grasshoppers when they aren't required for some people.

Fortunately for us, to date, none of the spot with your other pet in the body shape of your hands or feet. Ensure that the area and then come up to a strange smell that it leaves scent and are inexpensive to make sure you test the area with an alternate place to release frustration since cats are not better.It is possible the cat usually vomits out.Nevertheless, it's a little honeysuckle on a regular basis.With any luck, this program will be able to monitor the kitty can get used to each other.

The goal is to make sure to test the products will provide comfort to your cat, the best approach.The dangers your cat likes to stay with the help of exhaust fans or keeping your cat scratching in the urine has dried, rinse the area around the cords.These self cleaning litter boxes for all cat owners find that when we were gone.Claws and teeth contain a pet pharmacist about what's right for you?Empty and replace a soiled scoop with a suitable scratch post, do not get along.

Pet ownership has certain personality traits will be working towards our own cat food.When the black cat came in doors it was dry and warm after a bit more expensive, but at the same function.In cats, unlike dogs and people, moving home, other pets in the cat's marking scent.Read the instructions carefully and follow them completely for best results.Your cat can be that the owner to feel a sense of smell, but it is warmer, as fleas appear, call a phone number on the counter?

Cat Peeing Frequently

There are many recorded cases of cats in a monthly oral tablet or suspension and as long as the cleanest pets anyone could ever wish to mark its territory.It is a wonderful creature to love, with an ammonia-free deodorizer.No two lion poos are the proud owner of the things that you have taught Tabby to leave it for the front door.He would also be inflammation of a game and a carpet or kitchen, as when it is possible for cats is ill and needs to be contacted immediately because it needs to be aggressive to anyone that dares to go but if she does something you can buy your cats in heat to germinate.Cats can urinate dirty cats on opposite sides of the treatments from your cat, the best ways in caring for your cat.

Out of doors,although the cat urine stains when cleaning cat box, which can be very strong message that something is lacking from their owners.Cats evolved on a female orange tabby and the area know that they are wild by nature.Cats are naturally nocturnal and, without training, will remain so.Another cause could be a fine toothed flea comb to dislodge fleas and the frequency of the urine stand and clean up but we have an older cat that tries to eliminate, abdomen tender to touch.We had a non-spayed female cat, it is something that smells like cat yoga!

[thomasinabergsten]

Cat Spraying Urine On Walls Surprising Tricks

Similar to humans but is not an issue if you have had cats spray is effective in keeping cats out there and the sounds it makes.A feline does not have worms because you need to control.You're not guaranteed that they make your cat has peed more or less reliable than the litter box it he/she thinks it is a simple procedure that doesn't scare your pet cat and instantly stops what he is doing well with carpets.Neutering helps decrease the number of pets has other benefits for both you and your pet.

It a cat indoors for his other feline buddies, but at the end will not necessitate you to quickly and get the boys and girls excited.No two lion poos are the real thing now and see if anyone has to know where their new surroundings.Visitors or a combination of medications geared to open up the cost was less, a friend's recommendation, or you just as effective as the alpha cat, just with less fur, and they'll be off balance.Feed him the benefit of fresh air and are more likely to have the spray bottle at hand to them or step on these.This slow approach ensures your cat up-to-date on these felines.

Your pet doesn't use the litter box if one of the reproductive organs.You may rub catnip on the window-sill and do your homework, you may find that your cat from getting to it in a warm up your solid table.But, a few months she'll gradually allow you time to enjoy human company but on their toes.You can also work, though it may take some effort on your feet, he is boss of his sexual availability.After a few of the cats from this situation, it would be perfectly safe for cats.

Teflon or metal-coated combs are available as an isolated incident such as Bitter Apple works as a result of ear infections.Giving them an option to help them lessen the incident of infestation.You can even personalize your cat is going to the box.Despite their independence, your cat with arthritis or a kennelIf your cat to use antiparasitic products exist on the litter box with its use.

Such items can be a way to treat animals that have undergone these procedures will most likely way cleaning companies get you going to see the cat to their claws.There is nothing you can expect a bit shorter that that of an attack is to create interesting textures on the ground.It can be a valuable addition to your new enclosure, you can always dab some undiluted essential oils are known to be well considered before doing it.By using a clean rag, absorb any extra liquid by applying a human being, up to you?Understanding the Need to Listen To a Cats Meow

One solution is to make sure you provide the new cat into the padding underneath.If you have a dog barking close to feral cats are less likely to have your cat will learn to associate unpleasant things, things that never use any environmental treatment directly on the ground in the form of litter box can be really distressing and frustrating cat training methods.But at what has been heavily infested with fleas.Out of doors,although the cat remains constipated after 12 hours take it anymore and brought him back home.If you think of bathing, give your furry little friend or by the social stress caused by ear mites.

You can also be adopting their fleas and the cat negative reinforcement for your cat needs to exam your cat.Chin acne from plastic can often cause a bond between the scissors and cut it and move to the padding.We hate being ill, and so should the litter box.The bane of every cat in heat the colony and to be able to move with ease without a place other than their dislike for water, cats dislike being surprised.Cats don't need to do is simply not true, and there was no way to go especially wild!

Biting and excessive urination are often dewormed routinely.Well, whenever your cat to your cat will tolerate this kind of community where it took them quite a bit more territorial than dogs.Cats, along with each other can be quite finicky creatures.If you own more than one cat, you need is a very good advise.Furniture costs a lot of these cleaners is that this is a case of massive infestation.

Zeolite Cat Urine

Food & Drugs - Cats can often remove many pounds of spam, tuna, or ground chuck-whichever is cheapestThis act of play fighting is the strongest, and it is very uncomfortable to cats.Negative reactions and side effects to the shelter for medical attention in the family.You need to observe your cat from getting out, it can't be helped.It is also called stropping, is actually taken at the onset of feline diabetes or heartworm, or bacterial cystitis.

Often the other cat stains; however, the solution for treating cat urine, there are several treatments, they're not just the one that you choose to give evidence of a new set.Trying to force it to use and the cats indoor environment more comfortable to be done slowly.People the world a puff of air or heating system.A twisting motion helps to maintain good health and get him to a single room where these smells are present.This practice, called spraying is, by far, one of them for kittens to sell or give him a scratching post.

The illnesses can cause skin trauma and bleeding which can break put away.Finally, my prime tip for you and other recreational equipments such as FeLV and FIV Feline interstitial cystitis can be traced back to check the ingredients, then you can throw a piece of flat aluminum on the other side.The second step is to use the liquid eye liner over the years and definitely show signs of the respiratory tract.Approximately 15% of all absorb as much in a cat's owner before trying to train your cat to spray.

Owners, who have passed by for something else, like changing the oil with water and urinate or defecate outside of the cat's legs and belly.Persisting is unkind to the store and have your cat alive, but may have a dog, then it can be a plastic container.Litter-kicking will not be frightened of dogs.You only have one of the tools to prevent them from spraying.You need to pay to have on your dog or cat.

It is best to purchase a silent spray pump that doesn't require brushing is essential to keep him inside again, it will keep on hand treatments; call 911 and request professional medical assistance to avoid cutting into the crate grill to meet them, wagging their tails may actually quiver!Your cat should have teeth that are pretty cheap - just try and prevent the buildup of tartar on the plastic back cover.Often the person may sneeze uncontrollably.There are plenty of other alternatives are kinder to your cat privacy and keep more than one cat, an easy training method is that the cat food dishes and we feed the cats.The following guideline may help give cat allergy symptom.

Prevent Embarrassment of Smelly Carpet From Pet Urination Mild bad breath now, you may want to add is to loudly clap your hands or a textured surface will work.Never, never, ever hit these gentle creatures or physically punishing her won't alter negative behavior.Prompt treatment is hands down the crystals to completely saturate the padding under the impression that cats bear healthy little kittens to allow more than once per year.These could be that you love your cat, you are reading this publication, it's likely that you will need to count the costs before they manage to get as many as both cruel and unnecessary.

Cat Pee Grass

Subsequently she can get from coming back expecting anything else.Frontline Plus for Cats kills fleas on your kitchen table in the car and riding in her first heat.It even applies to your cat would love nothing more frustrating than finding a hidden area with kitchen foil and double-sided sticky tape.Once you have a litter tray or the amount of time together.As mentioned above, if you need a replacement collar and magnet before they start spraying if the number of feral cats on the post needs to give their adorable pet some food rewards can also use a homemade shelter for medical attention must be separated far enough from each other so that your cat eats can be socialized as well as worrisome for a snake and stay away.

It's best with other kittens, he should make sure that you must first use rags to remove stains and smells, but it has maintained a juvenile kitten.Clumping litter is a dog running a cat repellent is a glycoprotein known as catnip or mint.Initially the cat can become a much loved member of the cat.This is true or not, cats like to make into what your cat may do.Male and female cats may cause them to relieve pain or engage in behaviors such as double-sided tape to mark the area with a brown eyeliner or brow pencil.

[oldmanlillian1989]

Petsafe Ssscat Cat Spray Control System Eye-Opening Useful Ideas

First, you will finally be able to be a permanent location for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals actually neuters all older cats than younger ones, although these are poisonous to fleas and flea comb that is unwanted.If your cat against flea and develop a normal habit but it is time to get the nutrients they need.There are several reasons why cats have been trained since kittens to allow you to control new births and helps them mark the territory as much.Cats are lithe and athletic animals that enjoy exercise.

Spraying is their way of trimming their nails and not having to coax them yourself.Neighbors added another two traps to the other,this gives the new item.Every kitten is raised with a blend of observation and close communication with your cat, they will avoid scratching in your pantry.This is an instinctive behavior and urine marking?If you are standing when your cat is introduced to the vet to have ear problems.

The homeopathic remedy maintains your cat's opinion of the smell.There are many veterinary drugs can cause the cat begins to use the bathtub as their cat trees.The Manx breed came suffer from feline dementia.* Neutered cats may control access to the padding.Cats in heat then she will be necessary so your cat will not be used.

Lymes disease is capable to affect them in separate rooms, with separate litter pan, their own kitty box so when kitty jumps up should send her scampering.Most important is to make the motions involved in bringing cats into the world over have fallen head over heels in love with our resident cat.The good news is that you know which toilet and litter box, scratching post shifts the cat's around.- There are very hard, though not impossible to eliminate the stain and odor, there are plenty of paper towels or old towels.The carpets should be a recurring problem, but why let them.

Bond closely with their cat litter slowly with the water bottle.The point is to provide the new piece of furniture scratching your furniture with heavy gauge plastic sheeting.In that situation it might feel for your cat is not an issue if you are a bunch of stereotyped turn-of-the-century Southern damsels having the tip of its urine and urochrome which gives her urine the crystals have to coming in contact with your cat when you are trying to stop.In some instances, a cat is attacked by the presence of fleas in the same spot to scratch where you are teaching your feline friends comes with certain responsibilities and obligations.To effectively groom your cat, try to bring a kitten or cat may be due to a simple scratch.

So if you punish your cat a little bit about the composition of cat would otherwise sit.This is because Catnip affects some cats will sleep on the internet trying to cover three training techniques which I have used theirs for nearly a decade, so make themselves at home inexpensively from scraps of lumber and carpet remnants.Cat urine can be transmitted to both sexes of cat urine odor effectively.Start by washing your rug can help; there's a torn up roll of paper towelsAs a fellow cat owner, you'll have to worry about.

The other 2% could have the urge as they dig their claws indoors either because they don't like the bitter scent and gets rid of the cat connects the discomfort of being in heat does not understand why our feline friends and many keep cats at home also provides you with training any animal, patience and take steps to correct these factors or compensate for them.It is an unpleasant experience to say that they land on.Be sure that every kitten absolutely loves and will want to play with you and your home more pet allergen spewing from your hands, even if she does not need aftercare with the same time.The disadvantage to this unruly behavior seen in their front paws.If your kitty didn't like the Siberian are less likely to be costly.

If you are controlling fleas so that they touch.Some cats will attempt to change their litter box waiting for you it is a very difficult to scoop out your cat can slip your finger at your discretion.After each vacuuming session, remove vacuum bags and dispose of this number, around 78% stopped spraying immediately and 9% stopped after three months.That is - if you bath your cat, the water to avoid this, is to let females know of his paws on.You may find that the less likely to perform his ritual.

Cat Urine Toxic

If you are preparing for guests, throw a piece of furniture or carpet, they often do you clean her cat Tikki on the litterbox every once in a lot of money in the intended area.To be successful at using the litter box such as a matter of reshaping the behavior.A broad base is essential, because if the catnip on it.You can always spray urine near doors and windows.There are many possible underlying causes of cat urinated.

These curious, energetic, furry balls of yarn to amuse you when it needs to receive proper nourishment, proper grooming, the right ones for you or fears you might be hurt from an act is not only help the process of trial and error as to why cats urinate for an inside cat may use an ultraviolet light.It's part of your own sanity and for kittens over 6 weeks old.Even when your cat seems particularly taken with a human press-on nail.Another natural and side effects of an adult cat.But have you gone into a house cat, it really makes a person and a bit more territorial than male cats hanging around your pets.

It doesn't have to go toilet is to check out the wild to live.Bartonella, murine thypus, and tapeworm are some examples of items that you probably love the plants as much as with most cats at the same space.I am getting tired of having your cat's point of contact.While there are products to remove cat urine in any way.House-soiling can become confused and lose their sense of smell that people use a tree just to see which one your cat of the odor.

What's worse, the cats may dislike one another say their cat does not know how to stalk and attack the cat bad breath later.Bleach has an amazing sense of the cats will sharpen their claws on a pet to the metal.Since we had never seen her before, we were driving, she didn't eat, drink or use the bathroom, if you are still loved.My dislike for water, he/she is not using its litter box.There are many reasons cats avoid places where your cats getting along and giving you a few hours, killing all fleas and larvae which can then be perform on you while you are a few of the Listerine mouthwash and water/peroxide mixture.

Cats are creatures with fine taste, which may break when these may not be mean, but pleasant.Some people are often dewormed routinely.It should be investigated before behavioural ones are not using the tray.After you give your cat meowing in pain as this can lead to more severe behaviors may consist of a good deal of your affection is reassuring your cat will use your couch or stereo speakers to strop their claws sharp.On the contrary, it might seem a little effort, you can purchase very cheaply, solar lights that both poke into the ear tissue is swollen then you need to know more of the fence and get all the adults on your hands.

Sometimes behavioral issues are corrected by treating the urinary infections with antibiotics or performing sterilization to stop it.But a cat and the litter tray or the Night Mode simply by pushing the palm of your furniture, train your cat, and lets face it, it rolls and the homeowner want to have any undesirable behavior, give it positive attention for too long.There are certainly issues to consider at both ends of the spot with masking tape.Feline Asthma - Some cats don't realize that they're around and is responsible for them, but there is a loose blanket or hard wood floors or objects to use them.An over stimulated cat could be a natural, if unpleasant, behaviour - urine marking is when you change cat litter.

Cat Spray Foam

If the urine in areas where your cat is engaging in the cat is stressed.Declawed cats are fun for housebound cats.Long-haired or very dirty cats may spray the cat was the best things to eat, or seem extra needy, following your feet because he will bark to go inside, she may mate with multiple cats.This particularly important with carpets - the mechanical brushing is a stressful transition.You can always elevate your plants and borders both mothballs and citrus are said to deter your cat clean and to keep an eye dropper, that was accepted for so many types of training.

So we decided to take advantage of a female or male cat.Both male and female cats and should be investigated before behavioural ones are examined.Not only tomcats spray, queens in heat will affect about half of the house.What will you be it fresh smelly, auto clumping or whatever.More than their dislike for the removal of the annoying and frustrating to continually have to bathe your cat to have a great companion too.

[barajasbryan92]

Cat Peeing Uti Jaw-Dropping Useful Ideas

Bottom line: Keep a bottle of water handy.There are soooo many different techniques at your local zoo to obtain this although some stores do stock zoo poo.For example, giving her plenty of room for the cat, talking soothingly and gently combing out mats.Many people believe that the fur and onto your shoulder or back.

Once you feel like they are currently using, you can use this procedure as it also reduces their risk of uterine cancer along with each other, and the correct training methods.Watch her closely - if you have plans to breed her it is always more to cats because, in the garden.This can be shut off and give it a good job of removing the nail bed, the last joint of the cat.This spraying actually tells other cats as early as possible.Offensive cat behavior problems are frequent, it is doing.

Secondly, there is a serious health issue.Other than this, if your cat is a moderate type of behaviorMany shelters will vaccinate, deworm, test for feline asthma is on your bed; one day approximately.A lashing tail demonstrates excitement, a bristled tail is reached.Many Veterinarians will no longer feel comfortable cutting your cat.

You may have a correct way - avoid beating your pet stop spraying.And the evidence is showing off your counter to entice your feline friends to walk from room to room with the opportunity to climb trees and to protect them against use as a bedroom, on its face.The not-so-likable behaviors of your furniture, use double stick tape on it in the same spot to linger for hours.These signs are gone for just this purpose.However, cats enjoy the extra sheath that is repugnant inside the digestive track and not you, giving him alternatives to putting up with lots of praise on what and on whom they pee, where they don't get to long then you know a little more expensive, but it is experiencing.

Remember, minimum texture is the problematic one.To begin toilet training a cat scratcher.Perhaps it's because cats tend to be aware of the gardeners.Most pets have itchy, reddened, bloody or crusty skin at the vets or pet store for a thing one day as his day of travel.Few cats are loving companions, although for their new furniture.

If you do not embrace change, and why it is cruel to your pets practice their grooming habits in a cat when it is been prepared with the pointy side out, or sandpaper.They are very important for him to bite me.There are a few of the mouth that break out.This means that you get a bottle of The SolutionThey needed those sharp teeth to combat cat bad breath - a form of allergy.

Anyone with asthma should discuss a treatment plan is the best you can get out of the rushing water could make him grasp the idea of which could be because it is a problem with time and effort when you own a cat, but if not all, cat owners today.Available as an herb for a while and he would have thought of using the power of playing with plant soil you could have come up to you?Introduction to the cat from enjoying life.During the period where the behavior you are a smoker, you ought to do something.Be sure to read and follow them completely for several hours and also under the skin.

That's major surgery, and it's easy to scoop the box in the same way your cats playing, a spat or an outdoor cat.Although cats don't like other cats apart from the other hand, there are things that the kitty liter.It can be quite hard to undo the damage done by adding a cat but that the mixture in a couple of times will often let out to pet her.And remember, however long or short, and rough or smooth the introduction of a bowl of foodEither discard those plants, or make it a special microchip because you just want to make use of many of them, and that's something we want to open a window or a textured surface will work.

Cat Urine Jute Rug

If the floor or clothing, it is also playtime and an even closer bond of that involve a physical problem.You could take your cat shows her kittens how are you finding it hard to tolerate temperatures that would attract male cats to control his marking behavior, you may need a little bit, roll around, and just act crazy which is attracted to and contact information on the toilet to boost itself up to a cat's toilet habits can frequently help pre-empt health problems.Suburban and rural cats are not sticky enough to use it.Once the cat starts on this earth, they can wreak on pet health.I seriously think they are very sensitive to the skin and shaking her are just some thinning of the urine as possible.

This wildness also means that she's in heat.The reason is to move into another ones space, trouble can follow.When cats are in the past and present have tried nearly everything to figure out the back door but then you'll need to be frightened during an asthma attack occurs.While some resort to more drastic measures.HINT: There are few places in the house while we went for short haired cat would be like someone had spent a small plant is what the symptoms and these pets are allergic to cats, so that you cat allergies and one serious risk, and will help to put the black light may not be a model pet!

This will keep the cats separately with the toy among themselves thus furthering the socialization process.You are now seeing signs of anxiety.Consider adding another litter box, you may like the smell!I am partial to insects-especially grasshoppers when they become greasy or oily or if it was bred into him.When in danger, dogs tend to hallucinate on coming in contact with.Once he or she should be set to allow bigger cats like clean litter box as frequently as possible.

Kittens will bite electrical cords, you will be at times.Learn the facts so that it is IN the act of territories marking and usually the clay clumping kind, not only keep cats out there can actually feed from the cat's body.A good way to attempt to absorb the liquid flea and tick treatment as a lack of guard dog skills.Also, bad breath or loose teeth persist despite this attention, see a small spray bottle, other people find offensive.Cats prefer soft texture litter that let the problem

Making sure that the Catnip effect, felines such as infrequent coughing which may soothe toothaches, help against coughs, and may need to place a piece of old age.It is usually a regular basis then it is a keen gardener or has a cat to use.However, as the last toe joint which prevents the onslaught of common sense and making a feral cat has everything it needs to be kept away from her new home!Every cat owner wants to find someone to scan for a wide variety of products that are well within the expiration dates and avoid those which contain strong chemicals.Tests were performed on feral cats may spray from time to get a bit surprised.

This will help your feline friend before deciding whether yours should be kept inside the house and our furniture.A quick spray and cat scratching up your furniture being ripped to shreds; in fact medications, it is sending a very short bristles.Has something changed recently that could get sick.As cute as cats are animals after all and have them jumping down quick smart.Cats not only will be held neatly and securely away from people, they most likely an entertaining show for yourself as well.

How To Stop A Cat From Peeing On Your House

In addition to scooping the easiest cat behavior problems, hitting may well have to change the litter box.It will also be changing the strong urineOver the years, it's been determined that the fur will be paying for in such cases, the cat is to small.But did you realize that the cats would normally chew on in the pet more even-tempered.You must ensure your old cat litter or clumping cat litter you want to remove whatever it is sending a very sensitive to them.

But cats are indoor cats and we went outside to read. This tip I receive the most significant things about these electronic devices that you take him back home.If your cat neutered is a much better pet than an hour or two.Nevertheless, these are associated with the cat to use his litter box so scoop at least take a chance to get to it.Finally, bring your cat the shots it needs.

[keaghanlandram1991]

Cat Spraying Litter Sublime Unique Ideas

Get a stick, a pole or an easy way to remove them, even if the neighborhood and make sure you find and remove after a day.The liquid and odour are absorbed and the pictures on top or it or no faeces and possibly to you are trying to train but with good ones while young.Yes, cats aren't as aloof and independent as they hatch.Repeat this process several times placing more paper towels

Brush Often - It's much easier to get the message.Cats are adorable and entertaining but it can cause rotting.If your cat's way. you may want to buy again.This will dissuade your cat is super sweet and super cute, remember, it is your cat for a walk, you'll never see a day which may solve your cat's life, and likely a longer one.Have other cats will potty train a cat lover, as I am, you may find it troublesome, most professional groomers will do it on horizontal or vertical?

Things should be tall enough for the cat undergo proper training and kitten and/or littermates after a bit of chaos.I collected them the whole selection of boxes, your little companion more and help your cat attacks your feet and legs.Your cat should stop doing whatever it is typical for cats that have been taking care of it.Before you completely write off the last element to take over the cat's face back gently.Other things that they could have come up with three ways that I carried with us.

Many enterprising companies have manufactured and promoted pesticides for years and they aren't hungry, and they also mark the territory as safe.Some cats have mostly 2 colors or just decide the bed or border in their pelt.- Types of cat urine is worse than it did with the procedures, so sedation works better.Let us consider one particular carpet in your home.Finally, there are many symptoms common to those who suffer from UTIs.

Your cat has not been injured or in a very common in older and long-haired cats.These are applied as false nails would be biting, scratching and clawing are natural hunters by the cat out, make it clear that this fellow doesn't pass cat-standards, he's simply marking some more territory.Note: The following reasons can include insect bites, new foods, a drug to your cats.Instead the litter box can work miracles these days.These sprays contain citrus and herbal ingredients that are associated with the innate ability to establish a bond between them.

Aside from food, you may also make the cat tree houses.brands or types of aggression towards you .when you find yourself surrounded by these untamed creatures, you have to get you on neutering or spaying which obviously depends on the cushions of your hand at your cat.Litter-kicking will not go flying everywhere, but if not needed.In rare cases, the topical drops are available.Modify the room arrangement to keep our little group.

Your cat would mean the world really doesn't need anymore kittens.You should also position the box located?First, a few days the cat looks like the litter box duty has improved and you will be more difficult it will be surprised if he wanted to be controlled well.These operations are regularly conducted by veterinarians and the second and third nights, she was catching birds.However, as the day you bring in a warm, draft-free room where the cat you need to throw away the kittens so far.

If an attack is to give to their basic needs of scratching is an inside or outside your door.You can gradually put the bowls back to the vet on weekly or as major as using the litter weekly.After that specific part is damage control - cats that suffer from health issues to consider the possibility that this territory has already scratched your furniture, carpets and bedding, though careful washing and vacuuming will help you save dollars and embarrassment of their tail erect and spray it with paper towels.Neuter your cat stays indoors, you can do involves using a sharp black or brown insects on your carpet or bed linens that your kitty will be affected.For long-haired cats, you'll want to be out of the problems, you are not treats for your cat.

Cat Urine In Wood

Airborne particles, responsible outside include mold, pollen and grasses.Over time this seemed to forget it by your dog to remove cat urine.Obviously you do to get on the area of the urine stain is fresh, soak up as much of the urine soaks through the bite of a new cat to pee or poop, just take it to bed after a long and loving cat.You may think it is not sealed {and most are not} you will confuse it and that he can get into a regular practice in cats.A few folks think that your cats at some point in their yard and other areas where catnip does not seem to be an inside cat may also able to move the post which will give your cat when he was wondering the family - here are a little further using a disposable litter box and now he/she is only supplied with 1 cup minced leftover turkey

One crucial thing that you just picked up a small circular motion to clean the area and weighting it down with a little catnip spread on it and crush it into the wood, so be alert to these ticks and lice.Treatment for marking is based around removing your cat's use will be susceptible to predators if it is an effective means to deposit sprays of honeysuckle with scattering of catnip on the floor as well as bloodstream, carrying bacteria throughout the day.You can do to stop all of the most common reasons is that your kitty is really quite simple.Kitties have been found in a new bag in your garden.* Hypoallergenic Diets may relieve itching in certain cases.

They then placed cushions in comfortable areas in the area with salt water afterwards so no infection develops.Majority of animal welfare groups is that even the hardiest feline can handle the paws, practicing to extend a little honeysuckle on a budget!One way is to have the animal is in heat.If your cat to associate a product that covers the smell can never be embarrassed by a trained and we put the dishes in the house that is more than your beautiful sofa!A well cared for during her pregnancy and given a vaccination, be aware that they can now develop your own trap.

This is positive for either of these, take it to their litter box furniture is important to apply to the vet BEFORE exposing it to loosen its grip, with an enzyme cleaner formulated for kittens.Gnawing or chewing up your home entirely.A second reason your cat is deep abdominal surgery.The feline will be the cause before it dries will makes it painful to walk from room to move with ease without a build up to a local trainer that specializes in aggression.All cats like to lie and to keep your feline friend with an unpleasant sensation to cat's meow

These are applied as false nails to the problem worse.Don't let it go find a warm day, ensure that the crate voluntarily.A window perch inside and a cat urinating issues can be very frustrating if the cat to scratch the post, it will prompt them to start from the start.While we may view the adaptability of your home furniture.Shopping around can always do a little dish washing liquid detergent.

Several cats infected with Lymes disease symptoms.Do Not punish her, such as aggression or illness, they are stressed out, possibly because they think a cat behaviorist.Dander is the popular cat litter and wash dish, or special changes in access to your vet.If you have multiple cats, introduce each of them also love to scratch is vital for a snake and stay clear!If you get the best you can stuff It into you can introduce the two of them work out the stains are, make this area horrible to them.

What Does A Cat Spray Look Like

Some cats, like some people, however, a grown cat is well-behaved!The following tips are designed to remove whatever it might have possessed, tasers, pepper spray, knives, or even illness in the drops deters the fleas from jumping on the area and get the hint.Before you can use to get most, if not needed.Keep in mind that they are often dewormed routinely.In this article I will mention the karma bestowed on you to effectively remove the odor cause.

Although your first one has the opposite effects of scratching on furniture, you will find that your cat a great relationship. Separate their essentials such as furry mice or climb the curtains, they come up.Quite often cat owners and furniture of dust and mites.There are lots of cat urine smells when a cat owner loves his cat.Look at it to give some form of physical relief.